Trapped

34

I'm confused, I feel sick and I'm speechless. I'm standing outside this shitty club attempting to get a taxi but they're all full and keep driving past me. I'm going to go insane. where am I even going to go when I get into this taxi? I haven't fucking thought this through but I can't stop panicking. I need to call Vic. that's what I need to do! but... I don't really want to ruin her day? or whole vacation? but I need fucking help.

I'm standing outside this club with dry tears on my cheeks and blood from God knows who splattered on my jeans. my favourite jeans at that. I'm so conflicted, I'm so angry at shawn for getting in a rage and doing this to himself and to me, but I also just want him to be okay.

"Girlie you have to get out of here before the police show. they'll be asking questions you know." Jimmy comes up behind me and says. he doesn't sound happy, his face has fallen and I've never seen him like this either.

"I just want to know he's okay." I feel myself on the verge of tears again. I have never been this emotional in my life until I met shawn.

"I've never seen a fight like this in my life. I put my job on the line letting an underage girl in there in the first place and then this, it will effect my position here deeply. so not to sound rude but I'd rather you not be here to give a statement and make me lose my job."

I completely understand where he's coming from, and I want to be selfish and say I only really care about where Shawn is but I can't say that, i can't even think it.

"I get it, but I'm still worried." I sigh.

"darling, he floored 3 grown men. a teenage boy and one is in citical condition. although he got a few punches himself, I've never seen a boy so small do so much damage, he even got me in the stomach! now I know you probably love this boy but he's dangerous. take it from a man that breaks up fights everyday. go on girlie, get yourself back to your hotel, find your parents or whoever you came with before you find that boy." Jimmy gives me a sympathetic look and walks away.

Fuck sake. the amount of people who have told me I should stay away from Shawn is ridiculous. I love him so much, a stupid fight isn't enough to make me let go but I'm rethinking so much. I can't keep doing things for someone who just throws it back in my face like this, I also don't like the fact that I was too scared to even control him. that I was scared he might hit me too. even if he didn't do it purposely, I don't want to be in a relationship like that.

this has just opened my eyes to how much needs to change in our relationship. but it's going to take time and both of our understanding and patience to do that. I know this won't happen over night but I thought he had at least changed a little bit and had a little common sense to not get into a fight like this. but clearly he'll always have that in the back of his mind. we really need to work on that.

I walk half way up the road and decide to ring Victoria. fuck ruining her holiday right now, I need her.

"Hey boo! I know we said we would get dinner later but I'm running a little late..." she says as soon as she answers the phone.

"look vic we..."

"and I know I said I wouldn't be late and I promised but we are at this sick launch party and I would say you could come but there's too much alcohol for you little sis." she chuckles. why can't she goddamn listen to me.

"that's fine. I need to..."

"oh my god this guy totally cannon balled into the pool and the water is freezing! you should see his face, ahhh. I'll make sure to get you a goody bag although I don't think they have them but I'll get you someth-"

"vic shawn has been arrested." I cut her off and the line goes dead. "Victoria?" I call to make sure she didn't drop the phone in shock.

"Ella I love Shawn like a part of the family you know I do but I'm not about to have my vacation ruined by this. I'm also not about to get involved in this when I have a reputation to uphold back home. and I know I don't take many things seriously but I take my future and career as serious as it gets and I don't need character witness or some other shit on my record because he decided to do whatever he did in another country."