Trapped

66

Shawn gets back to the room with a shit load of food in his hand. The first thing I want to do is ask him what the fuck is going on, how did all this shit even come about but looking at him right now with a smile on his face as he sets our food in front of me I can't do it just yet.

"Got your toast." He says and kisses my lips.

"Thanks." I lightly smile. I know im being a bit off but my head is spinning. I mean MY head is spinning so I can only imagine what the fuck is going on in his.

I cant hold it in anymore.

"Mat came here while you were gone." I say and Shawn stops his movements and chews slower.

"What did he say?"

"Something that I think you should've told me by now." I say and he rolls his eyes. I knew he wouldn't be thrilled about the idea of talking about this but I can't sit here silence and eat breakfast watching him crumble like everything is okay. "I know I said talk to me when you're ready but you're clearly not okay, and this is clearly something you can't be keeping to yourself."

"You know I love you, but everything that happened was too much to take in, I didn't want to talk to anyone." He groans.

"I'll understand." I reassure him and he sighs before telling me everything.

He tells me about Mat and his mom and how they used to date, he told me how Mat wanted to be there for Shawn and his mom rejected every request, he told me how Mat sent them money every year for the majority of Shawn's life before giving up, he tells me... everything.

I'm in shock, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to comfort him in this moment because this is so fucked up. What do you even say to someone going through this shit? Shawn has had such an up and down life I don't know how the fuck he bares through it everyday.

"Say something." He presses.

"I don't know what to say." I admit. I'm selfish that my head is spinning on a situation that doesn't effect me. Imagine how Shawn is fucking feeling. "You've been through so much." I frown.

"I know." He sighs. "and now I have them both in my ear all the time trying to talk to be when I don't want to be with anyone. Apart from you." He adds.

"Mat told me that he's staying in a room on the floor above. He said he needs to talk to you about business... and honestly I think you should." I tell him and by his facial expression I can tell he's about to argue with me on this.

"What? No fucking way."

"This is something you've dreamt of your entire fucking life. You've been through so much and this right here is your reward. I know youre hurt, I know you're angry, but don't throw away everything because of this... don't let these liars get in the way. Talk to Mat, find your out your options, who knows he could get you a new manager... I'm sure he doesn't want your career to be over either. Please just hear him out. It's just business." I beg.

I wouldn't want to talk to either of those scum bags either but Shawn wont be angry forever, and when his anger fades he'll look back on the opportunities he missed while in a rage and he'll regret it all. He can't throw away everything because of his mom, not again.

"I guess you're right." He sighs. "When are you going back to Canada?" He asks me, running his hand slowly up my arm.

"Whenever you're okay." I tell him and he smiles so big.

"I'll just pretend to never be okay so you'll stay forever." He tells me and I giggle. But let's be real, I could never stay here with him forever.

"Let's talk about something else, this dark family shit is the last thing I want to think of." He admits.

We talk for hours about life and other random shit, it feels amazing to just sit here and chat with him, to act like we have no issues and no problems and nothing bad happening. When in reality his life just keeps throwing more and more shit at him when he thinks it's over and me... I have no job, im not going back to school, I've distanced myself from my friends, and my family to be with Shawn... I feel like my life is in shambles and I can't tell anyone, I can't even tell him because his life is worse, his life is causing him more stress.

Fuck knows what I'm going to do when I get back to Canada. God knows what I want to do with my life to know what my next step is. Everything is awkward at home, Victoria still hasn't told mom and dad that she left her perfect robotic husband which will surely cause hell. My life is a mess too but I feel like I can't complain because I still have the benefit of being wealthy, I still have a roof over my head, I still have an actual family, no matter how much of a mess it is, so what right do I have to complain? I don't know. Im so used to comparing my problems to other people's and making mine seem inadequate.

But I'll figure my shit out... I always do.