Trapped

58

Shawn came back to the car looking... calmer. He didn't look angry, which is a good thing... maybe him and his mom talked things out and he forgave her? Maybe everything that's happened between them for more than just the four years Shawn was away was something bigger than his mom 'hating' him and not visiting; but shawn is stubborn, he won't be able to see it that way, maybe. Or maybe he did and it's all fine, but going by the way he hasn't spoken the entire car journey maybe it's not fine.

"What happened?" I finally ask, this is too awkward, and I'm too nosey not to ask.

"Just some stuff." He shrugs. "I don't want to talk about it, I'm not angry at her though." He tells me so I decide to leave it.

"Okay..." I trail off. "Do you wanna get some lunch?" I take a chance and ask. It feels weird being around him right now, it's all awkward, like it's the first time we've met or something.

"That'd be really... really nice." He smiles at me.

Shawn wants to take me to some fancy shitty restaurant which is a nice thought but those are my least favourite places to eat. We go to a Chinese place and walk around the city as we eat.

"It's weird that we're in this place." Shawn says, we've been walking for awhile with no words exchanged.

"What place?"

"Here... this awkward place, as if none of us know what to do or say; because it's like are we dating are we not dating so I don't... know how to treat you." He admits. Which I agree with, I don't know if I should hold his hand, I don't know if I should laugh and joke with him after all that's happened, I haven't actually forgiven him. But he's leaving to have a real career as a fucking singer for gods sake, so I can't hold this stupid grudge forever.

"I get you. I don't know what we are either, and I don't know if I want to get into it knowing you're leaving anyway." I sigh. "But I know I love you, and I know if you were staying we'd be together but... you're not staying."

"We could try long distance? What's wrong with that?" he asks frantically.

"I don't know, I never thought of it." I answer truthfully. Honestly we are just so fucked up that maybe long distance could work, maybe time apart would help us but at the same time it would kill me knowing we're together but can't be together.

He puts his food in the trash before grabbing my hand and intwining his fingers with mine.

"Everything that's happened is so fucked. I feel like most of it isn't even real. It doesn't seem real that the detention centre used to be my whole life." He admits, it feels that way for me too.

"I get you, I want us to be normal." I tell him, he plays with my fingers before kissing the back of my hand.

"I want that too." I sigh. "I just want to be with you and be happy with you until the day you leave." I tell him and he smiles.

"Then why are we walking around this shitty street? Lets go do something fun."

"Like what?" I grin.

"Let's go back to my hotel and decide." He says, and I smile as we leave.