Trapped

40

Moving into Zara's place wasn't hard, I have literally no shit. It's easier to get to work from her place and i've been here one night and it wasn't awkward, she got home from work later than me and went straight to bed. She woke up pretty late so i made her breakfast, she looked the happiest i've ever seen her; Clearly small gestures mean a lot to her. So i'll try and make her breakfast everyday, so she can understand how grateful I am for her letting me live here without directly saying it. I'm still not good with feelings and shit.

My guitar is so perfect and Zara hasn't had a problem with me playing it, I think she likes it for the most part, i'll probably help her learn today when we get home from work. It's the least I can do after she gave me a roof over my head.

I still cant believe how quickly this escalated, i mean it doesn't seem real. Two weeks ago, I was with this girl who gave me everything, literally everything, i was so dependent on her that if i left her i thought I would honestly die. And now, I'm here, with a job, and an apartment. I mean it's not my own but it's somewhere to live, and i pay rent and shit; Just like an adult. It's crazy how fast this all happened, I mean imagine if I didn't meet Willow at the hostel? I could've still been in there, trying my hardest to get a job and most probably failing. Imagine if Zara didn't offer me a room here? I would've surely been sleeping on the street, i mean I couldn't afford to stay in that hostel forever.

It's weird how quickly things escalated but i'm hoping they stay at this pace, so that I can hurry the fuck up and be with Ella again. Soon i'm going to start busking, I had to research the places i'm actually allowed to busk in without having a permit so that's good, hopefully I can get some extra cash from that on my days off.

"Hey, what do you want for dinner when we get home?" Zara comes up behind me and says while I stack these shelves that i feel like I stack fifty times a day.

"You're cooking?" She doesn't seem like the type to cook... but I don't seem like the type to be a fucked up criminal, so you can't really judge people.

"No." she chuckles as if the idea is absurd. "I'm going to order take out... if you want?"

"Oh yeah, I like indian food but whatever you want is cool.... thanks." I say and she smiles and nods before walking away.

I'm scared to find out what Zara actually feels about me. I'm not sure if she likes me and that's why she jumped to the opportunity to let me move in, or if she's just an overly nice person. I'm scared to find out but i'll have to bring that up at some point. fuck sake, life.

"Hey." I hear behind me and I turn around to see Aaron. What the fuck is he doing here? he cant seem to leave me the fuck alone.

"What are you doing here?"

"Listen, what you said the other day was partly true. but i'm not going to thank you or apologise because you're still a piece of shit, and I still don't think you're good enough for Ella."

"Yeah thanks. you really needed to come down here to tell me that, because I really did need to hear it." i scoff and turn away from him. What a dickhead. Does he just exist to bring me down?

"I'm telling you this because I want to start caring for Ella the way i'm supposed to... she's looking for you. and, she's got in contact with your mom, I don't think this is the best place for you to be right now."

My mom? how the fuck did she get into contact with my mom? and why did she? My mother doesn't give a shit about me and doesn't care what the fuck i'm doing right now so Ella has wasted her time. confuses the fuck out of me why she would go to her after she knows full fucking well what she did to me.

"How would she even get in contact with my mom? and what's she planning to do? order a search party for me? my mom doesn't give a shit about me and wont give Ella the time of day."

"Your mom doesn't know she's looking for you, she's just going round there everyday to hear stories about you... she really misses you." he shrugs.

"That's not my problem. what am i expected to do? Leave here? hide out for a week or two? I have a job to do. I can't do anything about that." I wish I was strong enough to allow Ella to find me and me still not care. Like even if she found me i would still keep the promise to myself to get my life back on track before I officially be with her again, but I'm so obsessed with her that if i saw her again i'd probably never let her go.

"Get transferred to another store." he casually says.

"I can't do that." I live close to this store now and Zara will sure as hell dislike me if i up and left but still had to see her everyday at home

"why?"

"I just can't, enough with twenty one questions, Ella won't find me. Why the fuck would she come looking in a Walmart anyway?" I really don't want her to find me but a part of me would do anything to see her face again. "and besides, even if she does find me i'm not going back with her, so it doesn't really matter does it?" I scoff and get back to work.

"You'll see her and be putty in her goddamn hands. We start school soon, and she starts her new job I don't need you fucking with her head at a time like this."

"Me? fucking with her head? I can never do right by you Aaron. I mean, i've left her, just like you wanted yet i'm still fucking with her head even when i'm not there? save me the bullshit dude." I wish Aaron would just fuck off and mind his own goddamn business.

"You fucked with her head even when you aren't there because you crawled your way into her life and now she cant forget about you, that's no ones fault but your own."

"Oh my fucking god Aaron what do you expect me to do? you hate me when i'm with her and want me to leave and then I leave and everything is still my fault? I love her, I love her more than anything in this fucking world and it is literally ripping me apart day by day being away from her and i've only been gone two weeks. So this isn't easy for either of us. So fuck off."

Aaron is the biggest ball buster ever. I wish he would leave me alone, all he loves to do is irritate me, and tell me what shit I am, and how i'm bad for Ella, if he cares for her so much he'd be at her house comforting her instead of literally stalking and harassing me.

"I'll be back." He says. No he fucking wont. I'll make sure of it.

I don't know if this is a good idea... but I have to see Ella. I have to tell her to leave me alone but for my own sanity i also have to see her face one last time.