Trapped

23

I woke up the next morning with my bed empty. It was weird not waking up to Shawn after I did yesterday morning but he made it clear to me he didn't want to spend the night again. If he did he would've come back, he wouldn't have left me there waiting for hours on him like some fucking idiot house wife waiting for their husband to return from work. I stood there for so damn long, I cooked like four plates of food for him and for what? Him to run away from it all.

I don't even know what he was running from. I did nothing but be kind to him, I did nothing but help him, I helped him all the time he was in that shit hole, I helped him to be a better person. I awaited his trial with him and only wished him the best. And when it ended I was happy for him, he was a complete dick to me the day before it and yet I was still happy for him.

This is what people with feelings have to go through, not me. This is why I've resented any feelings trying to work their way into my body. I pushed everyone away, my father said it wasn't healthy but in moments like this I know why I did it. When you depend on others to make you happy they always let you down. Because only other people can make you feel the way I felt about Shawn. People depend on love. But you can only get that type of love from another person. But you can't depend on people, because all they fucking do is let you down. I should've never have let him in, I should've never have let him break me to feel anything for him. I shouldn't have even felt anger towards him. I shouldn't have felt anything.

At least now that I've been feeling this type of way I know for the future. I know not to feel anything for anyone and now that I know the outcome of having good feelings towards someone it will never happen again. It's sort of like a life lesson.

I hear some loud fucking knocking at my balcony window, I know it's Aaron. No other psycho would be at my balcony when I have a front door. But I just don't want to see him right now. I feel so much pain, anger and regret and I'm not ready to do that stupid best friend talk where you share all your feelings. Not yet and probably not ever.

"Ella, I can see your damn shadow rolling around on your bed fucking open up!" He pounds his damn fist against the glass harder.

"There's a front door you know." I snap pulling back the curtain. He always seems to be knocking on my damn glass giving me a headache.

"Open the door." He says slowly. What the hell has him in such a pissy mood today.

"What's your problem?" I close the door behind him. I'm not in the mood to listen about how upset or angry he is about some random slag he had sex with. I have my own problems now.

"My problem? What's yours? I've woken up to see your face on every newspaper in Canada." He tosses the newspaper to my feet and I bend down to pick it up.

It's pictures of me and Shawn from yesterday... Some of us kissing, and us hugging, and him holding my hand. It's headlines like 'Criminals new lover?' Or 'this ex con might have just stolen her heart.' and other obnoxious shitty puns.

What the fuck is this? We were being followed secretly yesterday and didn't even fucking know. That's creepy and weird and I don't like it. Well good thing it probably won't happen again because Shawn isn't here.

"What is this?"

"I don't fucking know you're the one shaking up with an ex con." Aaron spits.

"Don't talk about him like that." I don't know why I'm so quick to defend Shawn like that. I shouldn't have.

"Sorry, didn't mean to offend your boyfriend." He says as sarcastically as possible.

"He's not my boyfriend." I snap.

"If he's not your boyfriend what the fuck is this? Do you just go around fucking everyone for fun? You did it to me, you did it to him who else is..."

"Shut up!" I scream at him. I'm fucking tired of this shit. I did not 'shack up' with Shawn. If anything Shawn used me and made me like him then took my vulnerability to use me for a night and then never come back. But I did not fucking sleep with him, and thank god I didn't.

"I did not sleep with him you damn asshole!" I shout throwing the newspaper at him. I wish it was a brick instead. "If you must know, he came here last night, and spent the night, and no that does not mean sex. He just slept here then I showed him around the city. I thought he liked me because he was hugging and kissing me and..."

"No need to go into detail I have all the evidence of that here." He points to the newspaper in his hand.

I can't take this anymore. I feel so fucking attacked. Aaron is one of my two best friends and now he's coming in here fucking yelling at me and all this shit and I don't know what to do. I feel myself slide down onto the floor and burst out into tears. At this point I've fucked up so badly I don't care if Aaron sees me cry. He probably has before.

"Ella..." He says and I hear his footsteps as he sits down beside me and puts his arm around me. He pushes my shoulder gently to move my face out of my hands and I give in. I find myself latched onto him and crying into his shoulder. Over a stupid fucking boy.

"El, what's wrong?"

"Whatever you've come here to scream at me about you're probably right okay." I sob. "Shawn left."

"What do you mean he left?"

"I mean after we went around the city yesterday he said he was going to go home get his shit and come back. But he never came back." I sigh, managing to catch my breath.

"What a fucking idiot, I'll kick his ass if I see him." Aaron puts his hand on my back rubbing it up and down. Aaron has never been really intimidating. He's more shy, until you get to know him and he's like a joker, he still doesn't speak much around some people but hearing him speak like that about Shawn makes me want to giggle but I can't, he's only trying to help.

"This is why I hate feeling things. Feelings are shit." I sniff.

"Yeah they are." He sighs, and rests his head on top of mine.

After a moment, well what feels like a moment of silence I hear Aaron lightly snoring. I look up at him and his eyes are closed as his lips slightly parted. I don't want to disturb him, it is early in the morning and I know he only came here this early to scold me. I untangle myself from him and pick up a thin blanket from my bed, sitting back down next to Arron, and wrapping the blanket around us and snuggling back into his chest. Forgetting all about Shawn.

~

"Ella..." I hear Aaron's voice whisper in my ear.

"Mhm?" I look up at him.

"We have to get up."

"Why." I snuggly more into his chest. I don't really feel like getting up. I don't want to face the day just yet.

"Because it's 11 in the morning I don't think this is the time for naps." He chuckles.

"Nap's don't have planned times you asshole." I close my eyes.

I only want to sleep to forget about Shawn. He's a fucking dick but he sunk in. He made me think that he liked me. All the shit that came out of his mouth I believed. I know I'm so stupid for it but no one has ever said anything like that to me before. So obviously I believed it, this is why I need to go back to shutting everyone out.

"I'm getting up." He announces and gets up from the floor. Me following behind him.

Aaron spends the rest of the day at my house. We watch countless movies and play video games and eat everything out in my fridge and order pizza at least three times. It was fun spending the whole day with my best friend, and without my parents. But as the sun sets I realise it means that Shawn didn't come back the whole day. and I fear he's never coming back.

~

This was soooooooo short but it's kind of a filler so enjoy

This is dragging but I'm writing these at literally three am every morning because I can't fit writing in my day anymore I promise to make these good from now on I'm slacking a lot sorry !