Trapped

15

One month.

One month I have worked at the detention centre.

One month since I met Shawn.

Three days since he kissed me.

I don't know how to feel about that whole situation yet, but it's just pushed to the back of my mind now. If I look into it too much it will probably hurt my feelings considering he just wanted to use me for fun.

I'm on my way back from lunch now. Shawn has been working on 'allowing himself to be happy.' He said he thought it was his time to be happy for long now but he's only allowing it on Sarah's requests.

"Hi." I smile as I walk in. Shawn's lying on his beg arms crossed to the back of his head, staring up at the ceiling.

"Sit." He commands me.

"What?"

"Sit down, I feel like talking." He says, eyes still pinned up at the ceiling fan spinning in slow circles. I sit beside him.

"Talk." I snap at him when he doesn't speak for a while.

"How can I allow myself to be happy?" He asks. That's not the question I expected.

"I don't know." I shrug. "What makes you happy?"

"I don't know I've never been happy to know what actually makes me happy." He sighs. "I've wanted to forgive myself for so long. To be on this path to happiness kind of shit. And now that I'm trying I don't even know how to do it."

"You're treating it like an activity." I giggle. "It's meant to be a feeling. Like you shouldn't push to be happy. You should just have the feeling when you're around a friend, or doing something you like."

"I don't know what I like and I have no friends." He's not making this any easier for me.

"Well I'm your friend. And if you don't know what makes you happy start trying out new things and which of those things makes you happy."

"How can I do anything i'm fucking cuffed and chained every second." He says, still laying in the same position.

"I don't know Shawn, I actually don't know." I sigh.

I don't know what he can do. There's so many opportunities in this world and I know one of them is able to make him happy, but the problem is he isn't allow out of these four walls.

"I think you make me happy." He speaks after a long moment of silence.

"You think?" I raise my brow at him.

"Yes." He lifts himself up. "I've never been happy so I don't exactly know about that giddy shit feeling or whatever but you sure as hell don't make me angry or sad."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." I laugh looking away from his gaze.

"That wasn't exactly nice." He laughs.

"Well it wasn't mean, so shut up and let this moment be a cute moment." I say and he grabs my face between his large hands and kisses me again. His thumb is running up and down my cheek and when he tries to put his tongue in my mouth I push at his chest.

"I won't make you happy in that way." I stand to my feet and he stands too.

"That's not what I was implying." He strides closer to me every time I try and move away.

"Yes you were. You said before that you just wanted fun from me and nothing else you're not going to say sweet shit to me to get in my pants."

"That's not what I'm doing." He sighs.