Trapped

37

Shawn's POV

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a good decision, because every five seconds I keep thinking what the fuck am I going to do, and think of running back to Ella. but I can't do that.

I can't believe I got here, I'm such a piece of shit. I mean, I used to be a straight A student, I used to play guitar, I used to sing and I used to think I had a future despite my shitty situation at home. and now fucking look at me? locked up at first for assault and robbery, then beat the fuck out of a poor guy because I'm just a fucking prick. and now I'm homeless? I have a shit tone of stuff to achieve before I can be good enough for Ella. I'm so glad I met her, without her I wouldn't have felt the need to get my life back on track. but now I'm focused on succeeding so when I reunite with her we'll both be doing well. I know I told her not to wait for me but I kind of hope she does, because I'm selfish and want her to only be with me.

I have a list of shit I need to do, get a job is one of them. but that will be difficult considering I have zero experience. I feel so disconnected with my old self. I haven't read a good book in a while, I haven't sung, held a goddamn guitar, who even am I? I went from being totally alone, only dependent on myself, not even a mother to guid me through life and now I'm like totally and completely dependent on this girl. This amazing beautiful girl, that I would do anything for. Fuck I miss her already. I'm so annoying, I need to get my head straight, find a job, buy a guitar and some books, maybe start busking? doing what I love for money seems like the best idea, but a real job to get guaranteed money is my first plan. 

I have twenty six dollars to my name, I could get a hostel for maybe two or three nights with that much, the first thing I need to do is check into one, so I don't have to sleep on the streets. that's my first plan.

I go to a hostel down church street, it's five dollars a night for a shared room, which isn't bad, so I'm sorted for most of the week. I sit on the only bed that's free, awkwardly smiling at all the teens chatting and locking their stuff in the cages that are provided under the beds.

"hey." I look up and there's a tall blonde girl standing next to my bed as I'm sitting down locking my little  possession in my assigned cage. it's just a few clothes Ella brought me to make sure I was never without.

"hi." I smile at her while continuing to lock up my stuff.

"so, are you travelling too?" she says in a thick British accent, I see here that everyone is basically travelling on a budget. That makes me feel safer that I don't have to share a room with a bunch of bums.

"Uh... no. just... going through something at the moment. you're travelling right?" I ask and she nods.

"Yeah, me and boyfriend met for the first time yesterday, he's from Australia, we've always wanted to meet and travel the world together so here we are." she shrugs and points to her boyfriend, who is tall and tanned with a perfect smile. "anyway just trying to get to know the people I'll be sharing a room with before we head off to the states, have you ever been?"

"uh, no I haven't. never had enough money when I was growing up." I shrug. I'd love to visit the states, although their economy is a crippling mess, it's a nice place to go on vacation.

"hey I knew I knew you... that guy from the news! hey I have to say I was always on your side, I mean I get that guy was in a coma but you were a kid I mean you didn't mean it, right?"

"what?" what the fuck is this girl going on about? how does she know me in so much detail? you can't get that much information about the case from the fucking news.

"sorry... my name's willow, and I studied criminology and sociology back home, your case was so interesting to work on. it's what got me an A in uni! it was such a low profile case, but still very intense, I was with you through your time in juvi... Austin, my boyfriend and my mum even told me you were guilty and deserved to go to jail but yeah... as I said I was with you every step of the way... sorry if I'm being weird... or rambling. just a.. a big fan of detective shows and the justice system..." she rambles. she's nice, a little weird but I guess I understand that she basically studied me. it's weird to think that I was in the public eye so much back then. that people knew of me, some people hated me and some people rooted for me, I hope to never go back to that.

"it's okay. I'm just a bit taken back you know."

"oh I get it, anyway... what are you doing here? are you... you know struggling after being freed?" she asks, her knowing my history then seeing me here makes it pretty obvious I'm in a tough spot at the moment, and I don't feel like lying to her, entirely.

"kinda. just looking for a job right now, something to get me going so I can be... normal for once." I shrug, locking he last of my stuff in the cage.

"hey! I know I few people down here, one of them manages a walmart down st Claire avenue, I could definitely get you a job there, or... at least an interview. I... I really want to see you succeed after studying your case in so much detail you know? tell me if I'm over stepping the boundaries."

This girl is honestly a life saver? here I thought I would never find a job, or get one in months, and I've been on my own for what? 14 hours and I've already kinda found something? I feel amazing, the sooner I start working the sooner I can get everything else in order and get back to Ella.

"what? no, that's amazing! thanks so much!" I stand up and hung her and her boyfriend charges towards me and grabs her arm, good thing he didn't grab me.

"dude?"

"austin calm down, this is Shawn Mendes.. you know that guy I studied back home?"

"oh..." he says and let's go of his girlfriends arm. "nice to meet you." he smiles and does a small nod and I awkwardly put my hand in the air and do a small wave.

"I was just thinking about zara, you know down at Walmart? i want to help him get a job." she squeals.

"uh... don't you think you're becoming a little... invested." her boyfriend shrugs. back off dude, I'm trying to fix my life here.

"no. I love helping people, so I'll help him. and I know you think I'm like sinking my whole life into his case and now I'm getting involved into his personal life blah, but that was last year and it was to pass university. I had to do it, but I don't have to do this, I want to. so help me help this guy or fuck off." she huffs, her temper and bad language reminds me so much of Ella.

Her boyfriend just chuckles, "Okay baby, you can help. I'm actually going out tomorrow morning for a run, meet me after ?" he smiles and puckers his lips.

"okay." she smiles and makes annoying kissy sounds as she lightly pecks him on the lips, the gesture makes me gag and think back to how Ella would cringe at anything like that.

"so I'll see you tomorrow?" she says and I nod.

"great!" she shreaks and goes back to her bunk. it's going to be a long night, but hopefully a successful day.

My goal in life is to finish this even if no one reads it anymore, sorry it's taking long but it is getting done!