Gray Rainbow (Soramafu)

Secret

~Mafumafu's POV~

Soraru lowered his gaze and whispered, "Let us go to my house, I bet you don't want to sleep alone in your flat, am I right?" I nodded and was a bit surprised, because he completely ignored my last question.

He turned around and started to walk towards our destination, I followed him, a bit confused, because of his actions, but even more confused, because of what I felt in this moment. Only seeing his silhouette at this moment made me unbelievably happy and comforted me a lot, even though he didn't look at me for the whole time we took, to get to his house.

As we finally went into it, I observed everything, the furniture which was standing around, the flowers, which stood on one of the drawers and the things which randomly laid on the table in his living room. Some things I could see were keys, maybe for his house, two glasses, both were empty and a bowl with sweets, mostly chocolate.

I sat down beside him, on his dark brown couch and looked at the cupboard in front of me which was black and white, a TV stood on it and some photos, maybe from his family. Everything seemed really friendly in this room, it nearly made me throw up, because I felt as if I was out of place, I who always just whined about everything, who always just cried and made his friends worry about him, sat in this friendly living room of my favorite singer. I felt very bad about that, because I didn't deserve it at all.

Soraru said a little bit nervous, "I'm sorry that it's not tidy at all. If I knew you would have come over I would have erased this whole mess. So please ignore it. Alright?" I looked at him very confused and answered, "It's not messy at all! Everything is unbelievably clean and tidied up!" Soraru smiled a bit about my statement.

I looked again at the white table in front of me and asked him, "Do you have a girlfriend? Or why are there two glasses on the table?" He smiled at me and said happily, "No, I don't have one, just a friend of mine was here in the afternoon. She is something like a best friend to me." I looked at his face and thought to myself, that she really has to be great, if he smiles like that while talking about her. At the same moment I wished he would talk about me in the same way, but I thought that something like that was impossible, I was just a nuisance.

Why did I think something like that? Even I didn't know the answer. It felt as if I wanted to be something special to Soraru. Someone who he would talk to when he feels like everything is falling apart, someone who understands him completely, someone who he would always hang out with and someone who he told all his secrets.

I just stared at his face and tried to figure out what my mind wants to say with that feelings and thoughts about him. Maybe I just wanted to be friends with him, but something about this was really strange, the thought of being friends with him felt really shallow and incomplete. Like something was missing, a little piece I just couldn't find.

Soraru looked at me and smiled a little bit before he quietly said, "I'm really happy that you wasn't afraid of coming with me, I'm something like a stranger to you and yet you still didn't hesitate. I'm happy that you trust me like that. After all, I could have had bad intentions, too." I laughed a bit about that, I felt a bit awkward because he was right, but at the same time it seemed so illogical to me that it was funny.

I smiled at him and answered, "It's a bit embarrassing, but I guess I thought you are a nice guy, because everything I know about you is positive, even though almost all of it is from Twitter or other social media. I'm naive, that's why I have been bullied so often, too. It's a very hard lesson to learn for me, that nearly everyone just uses me or makes fun of me, because I trust them. I suppose I just wanted to believe that you, my shining hero, is really like what I thought of him."

I sobbed a bit and felt like I was about to cry. I never had a little clue that I would literally pour my heart out to a stranger just like that. But I felt as if a huge weight fell off my shoulders as I said that. Everything I held in for so long just started to come out, literally, because I cried a waterfall out of my eyes.

Soraru looked at me like he didn't know what to do. After a few seconds he just decided to hug me and stroke my back. I felt happy about this, because I didn't expect him to do this, he was just like I thought he was, caring, kind and very friendly. I blushed a bit about his action, though.

I could have stayed like this the whole night, but after I calmed down, we parted and I said, "Thank you Soraru-san for letting me stay here and comfort me like this. I'm just a stranger to you, too. So I'm very happy you did this for me."

He just smiled and I couldn't do anything else, but admire his wonderful face. I sometimes surprised myself with my thoughts about him. I still don't know why I am so happy right now. I heard someone talking about this, back then when I was in high school, maybe this is the feeling they called love? I didn't understand what they were talking about at that time, I didn't understand why someone would say it felt unbelievable. I guess I understand what they were talking about now.

Every time he smiled I felt like I could explode because I was just happy and felt like the sun began to shine. Every time he said my name it felt like I got goosebumps, because of his beautiful voice. Every time he touched my skin I felt electrified and didn't want that he stopped, even when he just embraced me.

Even though I felt like I was really in love with him, I decided that I could never tell him my true feelings, the first reason was that he was a man and the second that he was famous and it would be bad for his career.

The most important thing for me was that we could be friends and I would be able to spend my time with him. I wanted to be the person he always could talk to, even if I couldn't be his significant other.