Gray Rainbow (Soramafu)

Scheme

~Mafumafu's POV~

A breathtaking feeling of emptiness wrapped around my heart and made me realize, that just because I found someone I like, my mental problems wouldn't just vanish right away. They would never completely disappear, right? I wasn't sure about that. I couldn't be sure. I wasn't an expert in that things at all and speaking with one wasn't an option for me either. Even though this feelings were often too much to take, I felt like I slowly got used to them, step by step. For other persons this must sound like a bad joke. Getting used to feelings that make you want to erase yourself from the world... But for me it was reality. A cruel reality, that I had to go through, for my family and for Amatsuki-kun... And now maybe for Soraru-san too.

Laying down on the couch, I felt how tears ran down my face and I wished someone would help me. Even though all this time I never wanted anyone to be bothered by me, I now felt like I was even more lost than the times before. More tears ran down my face and I felt a sharp pain in my heart. Why couldn't anything make this stop? Not even finding love can make me to a normal person... A normal person... I will never be this... I'm gay and my mind is a mess too. I will die alone. Right? I looked up to the switched off lamp and laid the back of my hand on my forehead. My heart that was racing for some time, calmed down and let me take a deep breath.

Because of the vibration of my smartphone I startled. It was some message from twitter, but I didn't care about it at this time. I unconsciously opened the chat I had with Amatsuki a few days ago when I felt as bad as today. He always tried to cheer me up with pictures of cats. Somehow it made me feel better, but all the awful memories I had with this wonderful creatures had come back at this times too. It was such a bitter sweet relationship between cats and me.

I still liked them, but what I wanted to see right now, more than anything else, was Soraru. So I send him a text, like I always did, when I felt this way. I only did this because he once noticed that I had such bad days and he said that, if I don't write with him on these days, he would force me to go to a psychologist. When he said this, I really realized how much he worried about me and I decided to do what he wanted me to do for him. After all, chatting with Amatsuki-kun was still a lot better, than going to a stranger, because he forced me to.

Mafumafu: Amatsuki-kun?
Amatsuki: Oh, Mafu-kun! Do you want to see cat pictures? (=^･ω･^=) I collected a lot, since last time! They're really cute~ ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ
Mafu: Uhm... Actually, I want some pictures of Soraru-san, if you have some and it's okay for you...
Ama: I would do anything to make you feel better! ヽ(o^―^o)ﾉ I don't think Soraru will have anything against this either so...
Mafu: Thank you so much Amatsuki-kun.
Ama: You're welcome Mafu-kun! I really enjoy helping you. ╰(*´︶'*)╯

After that he send me some pictures of Soraru and the only thing I could do was looking at them... Looking at them and realizing how much I was attracted to this person. To everything about him. His dark brown eyes, his nose, his smile and even his tousled black hair. I could have looked at him for so long, but unfortunately the door bell rang and I had to go and open the door.

But who stood in front of the door made me even more happy. It was Soraru-san looking with his dark brown eyes directly into my eyes. He smiled a bit and said, "Amatsuki-kun told me, you wanted to see some pictures of me?" I sighed and mumbled, "I should have known that this guy can't keep anything for his self... Just come in already." I went to the living room and looked at Soraru who followed me. "I'm sorry for the mess." I looked at the empty bottles standing around, the crisps laying on the couch and at the flowers that already began to wither. "It's okay, I don't mind." He sat down and looked at the TV.
"Want to play a bit WiiU with me?" I nodded and sat next to him. "What do you want to play?", I asked him. "Mario Kart?" He answered. "Okay" I turned on the TV and the WiiU and started Mario Kart. "Here.", I said and handed him the other Wii remote.

After a long pause of speaking, he mentioned, "By the way, I really like the color of your hair. It suits you really well. Copper really looks good with brown eyes. I never imagined it this way. I always thought your hair color would look better with green eyes, but it's obviously not like this." I looked a bit surprised at him and could only answer a short "thank you". He laughed and said, "It's so easy to distract you." I looked at the screen and realized that he used the chance and just drove in front of me. "You're a cheater Soraru-san!", I blamed him. "It's not my fault, that you didn't focused on the game!", He said with a smile on his face. "That's so unfair", I responded and began to pout.

Silence occurred for a while before he again started to speak, "Amatsuki told me that you really like Neru's songs." Still looking at the TV I explained, "That's right, they're often dark and somehow I have the feeling, he has seen bad things just like me too. So I can somehow relate to his lyrics. That's the reason why I really appreciate him and his work." I could see that he looked a bit worried at me. "You're really unique Mafumafu. I like this part about you. I mean that you're so honest, even though people could get biased, because of what you say." I smiled a bit before I answered, "I'm not that honest to everyone. I'm too scared, that they will judge me for this, or say that it's all just faked. But I have the feeling, that I can talk freely to you. It's a good thing, I think." He smiled back at me and declared, "Then let's meet often and speak about all sorts of things, okay?" I nodded and said, "That's a good idea."

I didn't know how long we continued to play, till Soraru said he had to go and left my house, but that wasn't really important at all. When I looked at the clock in the living room, I realized that it was already 7 p.m.. I grabbed something to eat and sat down on the couch. I switched on the TV that I turned off earlier and watched some episodes of a random anime, that currently aired. It wasn't really bad, but it wasn't as amazing as Gochiosa either.

As I felt tired enough to go to bed, I stood up, switched the TV off and went to the bathroom to take a shower and so on. At around 10 p.m. I finally could fall asleep in my bed.