Gray Rainbow (Soramafu)

Mirror Flower, Water Moon

~Soraru's POV~

Before the day of my birthday came, I didn't hear a single thing from Mafu. Not a single message, not a single call, he didn't even twittered anything and it somehow bothered me. I was worried about whether I'm the reason or not, but couldn't imagine why it should be like this. So I just hoped, that he would come today.

With him still on my mind, I went out of my flat to go straight to Amatsuki's apartment. Just like always he greeted with his cheery voice and then congratulated, "Happy birthday Soraru-san! Just come in."

I did like he asked me to and sat down in the colorful decorated living room, before I stated, "Looks really nice." "Nice? NICE?", he made a short break before explaining, "I put my whole heart into it and it only looks nice? It's awesome and mind blowing!"

~Mafumafu's POV~

I was still in front of Soraru's door, when I already heard Amatsuki say, "It's actually worth a present, but I still bought you something else!" I smiled and instead of using the door bell, I knocked on the door and immediately heard Soraru whispering, "Why does he always have to exaggerate so much?"

As he opened the door, he greeted with a warm smile, "I'm glad you're here Mafumafu. Just come in already and don't mind Amatsuki. He's just a bit... He's just like always." I let out a small laughter as I stepped into the living room where Amatsuki already put the pieces of the cake on plates.

"Hey Amatsuki-kun. How have you been?", I asked him while sitting down next to the adressed, after putting my present next to a shiny bag, in which Amatsuki obviously had transported his gift, a lot of snacks and drinks. "I've been well. What about you?", "Just the same." I answered, before looking up to Soraru who made his way into the living room at this moment." Let's open the presents OK?", he suggested and Amatsuki and I nodded.

At first Soraru took a game out of the bag, that Amatsuki had brought. "Thank you, Amatsuki-kun. How did you know that I wanted this one?", he asked a bit surprised about the present. "Why do you even ask? All the time you do nothing else, but posting pictures of this game with captions like 'Why do I have to save money at the moment? I wish I could just buy it! ... and so on.", he explained, looking a bit annoyed. Soraru blushed a bit and said surprised: "That's... That's not even... OK, I have to admit that I did post such things, but still, thanks."

He then looked at my carefully wrapped box. "Did you decorate that yourself?" he asked me and pointed on the small, shiny ribbons on the package. I nodded and observed him carefully, while he opened the gift. "It's actually a bit late to say this, but Happy birthday Soraru-san.", I congratulated him. "Thanks", was his short answer before turning his attention back to the box in front of him.

His smile as he looked at me, after he opened the package and hold a home planetarium in his hands, was just indescribable for me. Even though I knew, that I liked the stars far more than him and I actually bought this with the intention of him using it together with me, I had the feeling that I wasn't as selfish as I expected, because he looked like he really liked it, as he said, "Thank you Mafumafu. I always wanted to have one of those, when I was young. Hopefully I will find some time to try it out soon."

Distracted by his attractive smile, I didn't answer directly and got a really worried gaze from Amatsuki, before he asked, "Mafu, are you okay?", startled I send a quick 'yes' towards Amatsuki and then focused Soraru with my eyes again.

"Mafumafu? ", "Hm?", I watched Soraru's eyes slowly wandering down to the ground, while he cleared his throat, before he continued to speak, "Why didn't you answer my messages?" His sad sounding voice made me get into a really bad mood too. I hated having to hear my crush this depressed, "I was awfully busy last week, I don't even know how I was able to buy your present."

Amatsuki frowned and I knew that he didn't believe me at all. I was sure he would later call me or send me a message and ask me what really was going on, but I had to be persistent with this lie. I couldn't just tell him, that I was in love with his friend and that I decided, that I wanted some distance between Soraru and myself, because of the unrequited feelings.

"Ah, it's okay, but next time you could at least tell me, that you're busy.", "I promise I will", I stated, before eating the cake in front of me.

Nothing special happened after this. Only chatting about our songs and some weird and funny things that happened to us lately. Amatsuki, for example, told us, that he forgot what to say while he did a live cast and that he had to improvise because of this. He sometimes really was an airhead.

But suddenly, after we finished talking and silence occurred, Amatsuki had the brilliant idea to call over his best friend Tomohisa and play some party games. I didn't care about it, till he told us what game he actually had in his mind.

I was sure there must have been something in his cola, because not one normal thinking, straight guy would want to play the pocky game with his friend at a party and I and Soraru weren't very pleased by the idea either. Soraru mainly, because he didn't like the idea of our lips touching and my reason was actually the same as Soraru's. I didn't like the idea, that he felt uncomfortable about it.

If I ever would kiss him, I would want him to enjoy it.

But unlike us, I had the feeling that Tomohisa liked the idea of kissing Amatsuki, as much as his partner. They looked at each other with a gaze that you would actually only give your crush and slowly begin to eat the pocky, that was between them.

When I saw Tomohisa laying his hand on the back of Amatsuki's head and could observe, that his reaction was a smile, I was sure there was something between them, no one, maybe not even themselves, knew about. Even when their lips touched and most guys would have freaked out, both stayed calm and slowly moved their heads back.

While they still faced each other, I and Soraru decided to go home and not even give Amatsuki the chance to get us into something, that both of us would possibly regret.

When I reached my home, I already saw the notification of the expected message from Amatsuki on my phone, even though I was a bit surprised, that he found time to use his phone, while his future husband was still with him.

Amatsuki: Why did you lie Mafu? You replied to all of my messages! Isn't that really unfair?

Mafu: I'm sorry, but there's something I have to figure out right now.

Amatsuki: What did Soraru do? Did he do something to make you angry? Can I help you somehow? |･ω･)

Mafu: No, it's my own fault.

Amatsuki: You always keep on saying this! I can't imagine, that you're the reason! Just tell me about it! (╯_╰)

Mafu: I will.

Amatsuki: Really? ヽ(*⌒▽⌒*)ﾉ

Mafu: But not right now.

Amatsuki: But Mafu! I want to help you! (╥_╥)

I knew, that he wouldn't talk about it with Soraru, as long as I told him not to. But I knew that he would keep on asking me about it, no matter how long I would ignore him. As much as I liked him for his persistence, as much did I want him to just stop asking about it. I told the truth, when I said I had to figure it out and before I did this, I didn't want to talk with anyone about it.

With this thoughts I had sat down on my couch and put my phone on the table in front of me.

Didn't I actually already figure it out? Didn't I decide to just forget about my hopes and be a friend to him? Could it really go one like this forever? Somehow I was scared whenever I had thoughts about the future with him. No matter how hard I tried, I ended up imagining him with a woman and a lot of kids. But that wasn't the worst. The thing that scared me the most, was that I couldn't come to any conclusion, what I was doing or where I actually would be in the future. It was like my mind had already erased the plans of having a future.

I shook my head repeatedly and tried to get rid of these thoughts and of the goosebumps that had appeared.

I took my phone, saw the still unread message from Amatsuki and sighed, before going to get some sleep. 'I would reply tomorrow', I told myself.