Alnihayya

||F a j r||

O n e

What are the days in this world
compared to the eternity of
the hereafter?
☆

Mashal

Isn't it beautiful?

Greeting morning with the fajr prayer and watching night turn into day. Its so mesmerizing that even though I wake up at the same time each day after fajr and watch the same scene from the glass door separating our garden and living room, it still makes me say Subhanallah in awe every single time.

I had just finished praying and as usual was staring at the garden outside, sitting on my prayer mat. The glass door was on my right and I had drawn the curtains away to get a better view.

As soon as the sun was up, the chirping birds appeared on the beautiful orange skyline. I smiled to myself, remembering the verse from Surah Mulk; "Do they not see the birds above them with wings outspread and [sometimes] folded in? None holds them except the most Merciful. He is capable of all things."

I felt like a bird too. When I'm happy, my wings are outspread in all the flamboyant hues of life; when I'm sad, my wings are folded in a grey dullness. Truly, only Allah holds me and keeps me together in both situations.

Today for example, I have to go to college for enrollment. I have already applied but today I'll get to know whether they accept me or not. Its funny how even after getting distinctions and A's I am still worried about my admission.
The problem is not my grades, its the fact that I wear a face veil. I just started wearing one in the last year of school and it was amazing! I had  put it on because of my insecurity, to hide my supposedly ugly face but when I realised its actual purpose, I couldn't take it off. Even though my parents don't like me wearing it, nor does the rest of the world, but Allah does. And Allah is enough.
Enough to hold me when my wings are outspread and even when they're folded.

I raised my hands up to make another dua for my college admission before getting up and folding the prayer mat.

Everyone else was still asleep and I dared not to make a sound as I tip toed to the kitchen.

The grandfather clock on the kitchen wall showed the time to be 6 o' clock. I sighed knowing that my family won't be up till 8. Following my usual routine, I made myself a huge mug of coffee and heaved myself on the kitchen worktop.
The bittersweet smell of coffee felt like a splash of cold water on my face. Sipping the dark liquid, I glanced out of the window.
The kitchen window overlooked the street outside. I was used to staring at the empty, dimly lit Ranford street everyday but today it was not empty. There was a lorry on the street and a whole bunch of people moving huge brown boxes from the lorry to the house next door. That house had been empty for a year now. It was about time someone settled there.

After my coffee, I made myself a French toast as the clock struck 7. My enrollment was going to be at 9 but since I couldn't drive myself, I would have to go by bus which would take roughly 40 minutes. Which meant I had to leave at 8 to catch the bus in time.

Thinking idly about all this, I went up to my room to change. Since I wear an abaya, beneath that I usually wear a t-shirt and skinny jeans. Kind of my secret life. I smiled at myself in the mirror. Who would know that under all that covering, I wear skinny jeans?

By the time I set my niqab and walked downstairs, everyone was awake having breakfast. I greeted them with a lively salam which was returned by a low pitched, uninviting reply. Papa was busy reading the newspaper, Minahil was too occupied on her phone. They didn't even bother to look at me. Abdullah was the only enthusiastic one with a real salaam.