"She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night"
- Britney Spears, 'Lucky'
-----------------------------
As pathetic as is sounded, crying actually felt bizarrely good. Like, I knew that me bawling my eyes out really wasn't going to make anything better and was probably just going to piss Keller off to the point of her throwing things at me, but I didn't care. I literally just spent the rest of the day (and most of the next, honestly) lying in bed, sobbing.
"Hunter, you need to get up," Keller instructed me the next evening.
"Mmeyohawnah," I mumbled, which was supposed to translate into ‘but I don't wanna.' Because I really didn't want to leave my cocoon of blankets, pillows, and tissues.
"Too fucking bad, Hunter. It wasn't an option," she grumbled, flipping on the light switch in the room. "We have to go."
"I don't have to go. I don't even think that I'm invited anymore," I fired back, lifting my head up so that my voice wasn't completely drowned out by the stuffing I was buried under. And that was true; I was pretty sure that Eleanor had dis-invited me after that whole scene that I had caused at her bachelorette party.
"But you aren't going to the wedding. I think that you at least owe it to Louis to show up and explain to him why you aren't there," Keller pointed out, jumping into the bed and kicking me with her feet. People were all about getting into my bed while I was still in there.
And Louis never had called me back. I mean, I knew that he was busy and all and I wasn't expecting for him to just show up at Keller's apartment to have one big long speech with me.
"Harry'll tell him." I had gone back to grumbling out my statements because it melded with my (read: miserable) mood better. And I was sure that Harry really would've told Louis all about me. Harry was kind of like a baby male version of Gossip Girl.
"You aren't letting fucking Harry finish things for you," Keller plopped down so that she was sitting on top of my chest. Which was ultimately going to lead to my suffocation, but whatever. There was already so much stuff surrounding me that I would probably die of that first. "If you're even finishing things, that is."
At least Keller was smart enough to not bother asking me about what my (read: nonexistent) plan was. Because I didn't have a plan and was sick of trying of think of ways to make them up. And it was also nice of her to offer the glimmer of hope that Louis was still going to choose me.
And I really didn't want for Harry to have the last word. I don't trust him.
"I don't want to do this," I let out a frustrated sigh.
"I don't think that anyone wants to do this," Keller responded, poking my cocoon.
"You're not helping."
"Neither are you."
Squash. She was right about that one.
