A Fuckton of Polygrumps

Egobang: Fatherhood

Synopsis: A baby is left on Arin's doorstep while Suzy is away and Dan reluctantly helps him take on the role of father. 

Arin paced around the kitchen, his sweaty feet sticking to the tile as he walked. He glanced up every so often at the basket on the marble counter. He'd done this for twenty minutes. Whatever was in the basket whined weakly, but never screamed. Still, Arin was unsettled and stepping on pins and needles. He finally paused and lifted the small quilt that covered what was in the basket. Two large green eyes stared back at him. He shuddered and only felt any sense of peace when the doorbell rang. 

"Open the door, you scandalous bitch, it's me," Dan called, knocking on the hardwood door. "You better not be jacking off without me."

"It's open," Arin called from the kitchen.

He didn't dare move from his spot. 

Dan cautiously moved past the doorway, his pace only brisk enough to get him to the kitchen in enough time to make sure Arin wasn't in mortal danger. He stopped short of the kitchen counter and waited with baited breath. 

"You...okay, Big Cat?"

Arin remained silent until Dan put his hands on his broad shoulders. 

"Talk to me, big guy. You're scaring me."

Arin pointed to the basket. Dan peered over and stepped back almost immediately. 

"No."

"No, what," Arin demanded. 

"Take that to an firehouse or a police station or something. How long has it been here?"

"He showed up on my doorstep just a few hours ago," Arin answered defensively.

"Hours? Arin, you don't know anything about being a parent! Take this kid to someone who knows what to do and let's be done with it!"

"Does anyone really know how to be a parent?"

"You're getting attached already?"

"Wouldn't you? Look at that face and tell it that it has no place here!"

Arin held up the baby, picking him up for the first time since he had arrived. The baby was chubby and even a bit large for his age, but he was certainly young. Dan reluctantly looked into the wide, mossy green eyes and finally he faltered. Arin held the baby out and grimaced. He wanted to smile. He wanted to not seem scared. Seeing Dan cave seemed to make him feel a tad better. They could be scared together. That was enough for now.

"Okay," Dan finally conceded, running his fingers through his tangled, curly hair. "So...what now?"

"Fuck if I know-"

"Watch your fucking mouth around it at least, Arin, Jesus..."

Arin rolled his eyes and held the baby out again.

"Wanna hold him? He's actually kinda cute and-"

"No." Dan replied almost immediately before realizing how standoffish he sounded. "N-not right now."

Arin furrowed his eyebrows, trying desperately to figure out why Dan was being so cold. He'd seen him interact with his two nephews and he'd been the perfect uncle. Why was this any different? Then it clicked. Dan was terrified. He had lived his life just fine, dating girl after girl and moving as fast as he needed to. All of a sudden, fatherhood was staring him in the face. That had to be beyond terrifying. 

"We should name him something," Arin continued, trying to hold back a squeal as the baby held his index finger in his tiny fist. 

"Axel," Dan replied quietly without hesitation. 

"Axel? What a badass. I like it."

Dan smiled a bit. He was warming up a bit, which set Arin at ease just a little. They still had someone's baby to take care of, but at least they had each other. They could make it work. 

"At least he looks old enough to be done breastfeeding," Arin murmured, looking the baby over. 

"So...what do we do food wise?"

"Uh...mashed potatoes until one of us can get to the store. Does that sound good?"

"Can babies eat mashed potatoes?"

"Google it. I'm gonna change him."

"You...have diapers?"

Arin tried not to laugh and slapped Dan's back.

"Brian left them here last time he was on dad duty. Relax."

"And what about Suzy?"

"What about Suzy? She doesn't need to know about this yet."

"You're just gonna hide a baby in your house?"

"Just until we figure out what to do with him," Arin explained as if it were obvious. 

"Arin, you can't hide a fucking infant in your house without your wife knowing," Dan persisted. "That's stupid."

"Do you wanna take him home?" Arin cut in. 

There was another pause. Dan took a deep breath and reached out for the baby. He instinctively perched the baby on his slender hip and looked down at him. Axel stopped whining for a moment and beamed at Danny with his toothless little face. He felt his heart melt as the baby tugged at his shirt curiously. 

"I...guess I could manage for a day or two."

"Aw, Dan, is he growing on you already?"

"Shut up, Arin."

Dan held out the baby and waited for Arin to take him back. Axel babbled idly and reached out with his chubby little fists for Dan to hug him again. 

"You know what? You should change his diaper." Arin chuckled.

"Arin, please don't make me."

"He really likes you. We wouldn't want Suzy to hear him crying, would we?"

Dan rolled his eyes and lifted up the baby again. Apparently, he was involved. Axel tugged on his hair and maybe even smiled. His chubby little cheeks were big enough to obscure his eyes when he smiled. Dan reluctantly sighed and walked to the bathroom. If Arin was gonna push fatherhood at him, he figured he'd at least get over his irrational fear of fucking up. It sounded like a solid plan. 

"Alright, little man, guess it's you and me for a bit," Dan murmured, poking the baby's little button nose with his skeleton-like finger. "You better not throw up on me."

"See? He really likes you,"  Arin gushed. "Now, I'm going to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning."

"Arin-"

"Please, I promise I'll figure something out in the morning."

If it were anyone else, Dan would've handed the baby back and left immediately. Still, he stared down at Axel again and sighed. That little doughy face was impossible to say no to. So, he placed the baby in the basket and made sure the blanket was firmly wrapped around him. 

"Well, if it's only until you figure shit out..."