A Fuckton of Polygrumps

RubberBrian: The Sadist Whisperer

Synopsis: Whenever Ross is being particularly hard to handle, the rest of the Grumps call in the one person everyone yields to; everyone's favorite daddy. The beginning is only slightly based on the Goddammit Ross t-shirt commercial

Dan compulsively checked the time on his phone every few minutes, eagerly awaiting the end of Steam Train filming sessions for that day. Ross was making every ten minutes feel like hours with his spacing out, awful puns, and constant pushing of every button Dan had. It was true that Ross could be annoying due to his sadistic tendencies, but there were some days when he could be absolutely unbearable.

"Ross, the character we literally just finished talking to said go left. What the fuck are you doing," Dan muttered, rolling his eyes.

"I wanted to check the area, Dan, fuck you! I'm the one with the game knowledge, scrublord."

"If you crash the fucking game again, I'm leaving and you can record the rest of the episodes by yourself-"

The screen froze and the screensaver on the monitor was up shortly after. Ross tried to look upset but the wild grin couldn't stay hidden for long. Dan bolted from his seat and out of the room.

"GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT. ROSS," he grumbled, shutting the door behind him.

Arin lazily kicked off his shoes and leaned into the fridge for cheesecake. This wasn't any cheesecake. It was amazing, freshly made cheesecake that Holly made just for him as an amazing friend with mad culinary skills. He'd been looking forward to that cake for hours. It served as a sort of incentive for him to get work done. He found that plate in the fridge, a simple post-it note among the crumbs.

"Arin, cake was fucking great! Had to finish the last of it myself <3 You're too slow! -Love, Ross."

Arin gritted his teeth and clenched the note in his fist. He paused in his rage when he realized there was more on the back of the note.

"P.S. Get dunked on <3"

Arin threw the note across the room and groaned.

"Goddammit Ross!!"

Jack finally finished buying all that was needed for the next few sketches. It took him all day, but he did it. He slumped over into the pile of beanbag chairs and finally took a deep, calming breath. He and Vernon agreed to take ten minute naps between the hustle and bustle of their Grump duties to keep up their energy. He nuzzled against Vernon and felt his drowsiness catch up to him as he closed his eyes. Just as he drifted into the almost pleasurable state of blissful unconsciousness, he felt a hand on his face.

"Jack. Jaaaaack. Jack. Jackie-boy."

Jack flared his nose as his eyes shot open. Ross knelt in front of him, an unaffected smile on his face.

"Aye? Do you need something," Jack asked, his voice miserable and exhausted.

"There's no more milk in the fridge."

"That's a right shame, innit?"

"Can you go to the store and get more for me?"

"...now?"

"I finished drinking it two minutes ago, so yes, please."

Ross then walked off, surely off to annoy the shit out of anyone else around. Mind you, this was a somewhat rare occurrence. Ross could be an asshole sometimes for kicks, but there were some days that he cranked the intensity level up to infinity.

"Have any of you seen my black lipstick," Suzy called from her desk. "I had it with me this morning-"

"I told you I was gonna borrow it for a sketch," Ross answered.