A Fuckton of Polygrumps

Searching finale: Found

Synopsis: Forgiveness doesn't always mean you aren't hurting anymore.

"Do you think they'll actually show up," Dan asked, peeking through the window curtains every so often.

"They said they would," Arin retorted shortly, pulling something out of the oven. "We just have to trust them to trust us."

"Would you trust us?"

Arin paused and looked visibly confused. Dan sighed and ran his hands through his wild hair.

"Look, we didn't exactly explain what we wanted and they might think we're gonna hurt them with whatever news we give them...I'm just freaking the fuck out a little bit..."

"We bought enough flowers and baked enough cakes to keep a floral baking business running for years. Chill. They'll be here."

Dan sat down and grabbed a notebook. If he couldn't relax, he'd at least fake it by trying to get some writing done.

Brian sat in cold silence, the steering wheel of the car clutched tightly in his hands. Suzy kissed his shoulder and smiled a bit as it relaxed under her lips.

"Relax, Bri. What's the worst that can happen? They tell us Arin's pregnant?"

"That's disgusting."

"That's actually pretty gross," Suzy chuckled. "I'm sorry. Look, what I'm saying is, it won't be that bad. We've grown a lot and maybe they have too, ya know?"

"Dan probably just wants his stuff back."

"Like?"

"The three Def Leppard vinyl copies he let me borrow, his Ramones t-shirt, his guitar pick necklace, that bear he won for me at Round 1...boyfriend stuff."

"You brought all that with you?"

"No, all that's in that box in the back seat is a big ol' 'go fuck yourself' note."

Brian felt unbelievably bitter and he hated the feeling. There was something that boiled in his mind that just stuck with him like a bad taste in his mouth. It was like all the anger from his breakup with Dan had manifested itself into an almost childish envy that he despised. Was he mad at Arin for being everything he felt he wasn't? Maybe. Was he mad at Dan for being happy? Possibly. Was he mad at himself for seeing all of his flaws at once after breaking up with Dan? Definitely. At the end of it all, he felt less like the confident older man that everyone not only loved but looked up to and more like a guy acting way younger than he needs to in order to blend in with people who may not even care about him at all.

As for Suzy, her issue was less anger and more sadness. For the longest time, she had to be her own cheerleader. Arin took that burden from her when they were together, so when they weren't together, it felt like she had to learn to love herself all over again. Like Brian, it felt like she was constantly cropped out of pictures to make room for Dan. She'd gotten used to it, but that didn't mean it didn't still hurt. She wanted to be mad. It would feel so gratifying for her to be. She listened to Arin gush about Dan day and night even when they were married and because she loved them both, she put up with it. After spending enough time with Brian, she realized how much more painful splitting up was in reality. As time went by, she had time to think about how stupid she felt for not seeing the signs earlier. It felt like the heartbreak could've been avoided.

"I just...I don't wanna care anymore," Brian went on after such a long silence. "Caring...hurts."

"But we care anyway, huh," Suzy muttered.

"Yeah, emotions are kind of bullshit that way."

The car pulled up to the driveway and stopped abruptly. Suzy unbuckled her seat belt and reached into the back seat to grab a plate of brownies.