A Fuckton of Polygrumps

Ninja Sex Party: The Tale of 6969

Synopsis: Holy fuck, I'm in love with the song 6969 from the Attitude City album and couldn't resist writing a full length story about the adventure that takes place in it. Like, this is something I literally HAVE to do. I won't forgive myself if I don't do it. Also, I needed a change of pace, something in the balance between fluff/smut and angst. Gonna add some things too, just to make the story a little smoother.

Danny filed his nails, idly humming as he watched the girl he'd been having sex with get dressed. That day in particular had been full of sexual conquests. Ninja Brian meditated in the living room, opening his eyes occasionally to murder someone with his laser vision. A second girl scampered out of the bedroom, her shorts halfway on as she opened the door to follow the first girl out. Brian glared at them both for being ignorant, noisy clods, but didn't bother moving.

"Briaaaaan," Dan whined, flopping onto the couch next to the ninja. "I'm bored!"

Brian looked over, his eyebrows suggesting that he didn't give a fuck. Dan groaned loudly, digging his fingers through his messy hair. His eyes widened suddenly as he grabbed Brian's shoulders.

"Dude, I totally forgot, but I built a time machine spaceship thing a few weeks ago. We should like, use it or something. Wanna?"

Brian thought for a moment, weighing his options. If he stayed home, Dan would probably fuck up all of history and get himself killed. If he went, he could prevent Dan's fucking stupid decisions from ruining too much. He rolled his eyes and nodded slowly. Someone had to save the day.

"Yeah? Cool," Dan said triumphantly, rushing back into his bedroom and dashing back in a blue spacesuit. "Get your spacesuit on!"

Brian rolled his big blue eyes and snapped, instantly wearing a slightly different black suit with his symbols on it. He's just fucking magical like that. Dan gasped eagerly and took Brian's hand in his, rushing out of the apartment and into the basement. To Brian's surprise, there was an actual time machine, well-built and very much real.

"I had an orgy with a bunch of engineer students and built this when we got shitfaced," Dan explained, opening the hatch. "Apparently on top of being super hot, I'm a genius."

Brian rolled his eyes and got into the machine. Dan kicked back, lounging as Brian fiddled with the controls.

"We're headed into the future," Dan said dramatically. "We're headed into a future so fucking advanced that nothing but sex matters. Are you ready, Ninja Brian?"

Brian shook his head. Dan would probably be having all the sex and he would have to clean up after him. Dan grabbed Brian's shoulders and grinned.

"We're going to the year 6969! Get fucking pumped!"

Brian shrugged, either unimpressed or just too tired to register the amazing journey they were about to embark on. The machine rattled to life, whirring softly. It felt similar to an airplane taking off. The engine growled excited as the space ship warped through time.

"I bet there's orgies for days, just like the ones in Ancient Greece," Dan mused eagerly, practically drooling. "Every night, there's hours and hours of mindless sex in oceans of whipped cream! Do you think the girls wear lingerie or nothing at all? Fuck, what if drugs are legal then too?! Imagine passing pills out like candy, getting shitfaced an' the haze of weed filling the metropolis," he gushed, practically jumping out of his chair.

Brian shrugged again, genuinely intrigued by the notion. He was usually in it for the murder, but this was the first time they'd be travelling into the future. Sure, they went back in time to save a hot princess, but going into the sexiest year so far into the future that everyone in history is probably dead was completely different.