A Fuckton of Polygrumps

Beauty and the Grump Pt. 3

Synopsis: It's about to get hella gay and problematic all at the same time.

"Who the fuck does he think he is," Ross demanded, throwing daggers at the wall of the bar he was in. "No one refuses me unless they're sick in the head..."

"Well, maybe he's just not your type," Kevin murmured, running back and forth to retrieve the blades.

"Everyone's my type, you idiot."

"Cheer up! There's plenty of people who'll probably take Dan's pla-"

"No one will ever take his place," Ross growled, grabbing Kevin's neck. "He's the only one in this dead-ass town that doesn't beg for my attention and it pisses me off. He's special, you hear me?"

"Understood..."

Kevin thought for a moment and grinned. Ross just needed some ego-stroking.

"Well, maybe he just doesn't deserve someone so ingenious..."

Ross looked up, his interest piqued as now he was being praised.

"Go on," he mused.

"Well, I mean, I was just saying that Dan's not really that much of a prize. He's not nearly good enough for you. Look at it this way: you were doing him a favor by chasing him, huh?"

"I was being pretty nice, wasn't I?"

"Practically a saint."

"I can't just give up on him now. He's fun to play with," Ross murmured with a bored yawn. "I like a good fight and no one else in this bullshit town ever does any of that shit. He gives me something to do."

"I guess you could try asking Suzy where he went? I haven't seen him around-"

"Everyone knows Suzy's crazy...have you seen her taxidermy collection?"

The bar doors flung open and Suzy stumbled in, face flushed red with chills. She shuddered and leaned against the doors.

"I need your help," she yelled, throwing herself at Ross' feet. "Dan's being held by a beast in a castle!"

"Woah, slow down," Ross scoffed. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I was held prisoner in this huge castle when I got lost in the woods on the way to a convention...there's this horrifying, huge beast that lives there and he has Dan!"

Kevin stifled a laugh as Ross gestured for him to lean close.

"I had an idea, but it's really fucked up," he whispered, not bothering to conceal his devious grin.

"Tell me?"

"Okay, so, I still have a chance with Dan if I use Suzy to my advantage. Understand?"

"Not really? Are you still hung up on him?"

"Yes, now pay attention, dipshit. Dan and Suzy are best friends, right? Get where I'm going with this? He'd do anything for her, even-"

"Even marry you despite being disgusted by literally everything you are and stand for?"

"Exactly. We'll play our cards right and he'll be mine."

"This is really scary. I like it!"

They turned back to Suzy, identical smirks on their devious faces. One might wonder why Kevin hung out with Ross, but it was nothing profound. It gave him something to do.

"What did this beast look like," Ross snickered.

"It looked like a giant cat with blond and brown fur! Its fangs were huge and it towered at like, 7 feet tall! He was ghastly!"