A Fuckton of Polygrumps

Heathers!Grumps Act 2

Synopsis: I fucking love this AU so here's Act 2. Also, please check out the soundtrack for Heathers the Musical or watch the original film on Netflix!n Due to the kind of bullshit comment I got on AO3, I will reiterate: a lot of this doesn't make sense if you have absolutely NO exposure to the source material. I highly encourage you check out both the film and musical as the fic has scenes from both. Anyway, let me know what you think!

Dan and Brian sat on his couch, flipping through news channels. Everyone in town had something to say about the late Arin Hanson.

"In times like these, some people choose to focus on the negatives," Ross told one station. "Well, I hate those people because I'm like, the most positive person."

"Ugh, shut up," Dan grumbled. "Change the channel."

"I loved having Arin as one of my closest friends. I still remember when we went to the mall to our tattoos and-" Ross continued on a different channel.

"Jesus fucking Christ, how many channels did he run to?"

Brian flipped the channel again.

"Bhí sé chomh greannmhar agus a fheictear. Beidh mé chailleann cinnte a bheith timpeall air. Bhí sé mo chara is fearr," Ross replied to the Irish nightly news.

"Ew, turn it off," Dan sighed.

"Well, it seems like Arin Hanson is more popular than ever. We'll have to work on the way we forge our suicide notes next time," Brian snorted.

"Yeah, next time," Dan chuckled.

It was funny to think of how absolutely morbid it would be to normalize the act of making every murder look like a suicide. Before Dan could say anything else, his phone rang.

"Hello? Dan?"

"Barry? What's wrong?"

"Can you come to the cemetery, please? It's an emergency and I need you to get here as soon as possible."

Dan hung up as grabbed his jacket, heading for the door.

"Where're you off to," Brian asked.

"Barry's at the cemetery and he needs help-"

"Why are you even bothering with the Grumps anymore? Aren't you mad about the way they fucked you over?"

Dan sighed and shook his head.

"It sounded urgent. I'll be back later, okay?"

Brian rolled his eyes and waved dismissively. Dan darted out, practically flying as fast as he could to get to the cemetery. When he got there, he found Barry sitting his car, fiddling with his keychain. Dan knocked on the window and Barry cheerfully rolled it down.

"Is everything okay? Where's Ross? What's going on?" Dan asked between heavy breaths.

"Okay, so we came out here to pour a Thunder Bird on Arin's grave. Y'know, from his homies? And Ryan and Matt drank almost all of it. Ryan started grabbing me and wouldn't stop but then he like, passed out...and I don't know where Matt and Ross went..."

"After all that shit that happened at Ryan's party, why'd you call me?"

"Oh, that was the deal! If I got you here, Ryan promised to leave me alone."

Dan rolled his eyes and tried his best to keep his composure.

"So, you avoid this shit by volunteering me for the same bullshit?"

"God, you make it sound so ugly, Dan."

"Fuck this. I'm leaving-"

"Matt, I'm fucking done. Sober up, asshole," Ross groaned, getting into the car on the passenger side.