Youre Not Alone, Haven't We Been Over This?

Final recovery

The days have rolled on by as Karkat and Dirk recover from their injuries. Meanwhile i've been going back and forth between the hospital and funeral homes, visiting the two dues, and also working on the funeral for Bro. We never called him by his real name, because he always said to just call him Bro. So i planned to have that single name engraved on his tombstone. I'm still a complete mess as well. I have barley eaten, my therapy sessions have now increased, i keep having nightmares, and my urges to just cut away have grown stronger. I've tried as hard as i possibly could to stop or to lessen it. But to no avail. Karkat however, found out and chewed me out for a good hour before breaking down into tears himself. The thoughts i kept having just continued to repeat over and over, if i hadn't told anyone, if i hadn't left, if i hadn't done all the stupid shit that i did then maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe dirk wouldn't have gotten hurt. Maybe gamzee wouldn't have had to die. Maybe Karkat and Terezi wouldn't have had to suffer because of gamzee. Maybe Karkakt would have been safer from all this anal bullshit that is my life. 

Today both Karkat and Dirk were released from the hospital and everyone welcomed them back home, but when Dirk walked through the door and felt the presence of Bro no longer around, for the first time in a long time he burst into tears. Jake hugged him tightly and buried his won face into his shoulder. The others frowned and decided to join in on the hugging as well. I kept my distance and couldn't bring myself to go near them. I considered myself a deadly plague that was the cause of Bro's death, and the cause of all this pain and suffering that had been inflicted onto my family of friends. But a sudden push knocks me forward to the others just as they release Dirk. Dirk turns to me and removes his shades as he puts them away. I removed mine slowly and felt the water works coming. He walks over to me and hugs me tightly. I tremble and completely break into a crying mess as i hugged him. I fell to my knees and dragged him along as he held me closely in his arms. Us Striders, we never show much emotion but when we do....it will always be real and genuine. Once the tear fest was over, the welcome party began. Even though we had lost our Bro, we both knew that crying over and over would just piss him off. We knew when to quit and just relax with the ones we love. And that's exactly what i did. 

I sat with Karkat in the guest room,with just the two of us, a couch, and a tv. Why there was a couch in the room i have no clue, but it was there so why not use it? We laid on the couch, with him laying against my chest, and the tv playing a movie marathon of the twilight series which i despised. However, Karkat enjoys these movies so i decided to just go with the flow. 

"Hey...Karkat...?

"What?"

"...i know you're tired of me saying this but i'm sorry.....for everything,"

He sighs and sits up to look at me.

"For the billionth fucking time Dave. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. Dirk does not blame you. None of us blame you for anything. You were trapped and encased in a vacuum or pure and horrid torture that was fucking created by an insignificant human being who is hopefully being burned alive for eternity in hell,"

"I..i know..."

"No you don't otherwise i wouldn't see the guilt in your eyes dammit," he wraps his arms around my neck. "Dave....i love you okay...? and nothing in this gog damn universe will change that..." I slowly raised my arms and hugged him tightly. 

"I love you too karkles..." I said for the first time in forever. I finally had Karkat once again in my arms; he was safe, and healed. And as I held this adorable angry freak, i couldn't help but feel at peace for once. He lifts his head and holds my face in his hands. I gaze into his eyes as he gazes back into mine. I closed the gap between us and kissed him as passionately as i possibly could. I held him closely and continued with our kiss. He clutches my hair tightly and bites my bottom lip. I grin a bit and allowed him to take a bit of control as he sticks his tongue into my mouth. It wasn't bad letting him have control for once not bad at all.

As the days had gone by, the day of the funeral had gotten closer and closer. Once the day arrived, all of us arrived and went through the entire process without an issue. The tears that were meant to be shed, were already gone. And now was definitely not the time to cry. We already had shed our fair share of waterfalls. Once he was buried with his hat on the grave and his sword stuck through it, the rest of us stood around him in silence out of respect. 

"Rest in peace...Bro..." I lifted my fist up as did Dirk who held it beside my own. I turned to him as he turned to me and nodded. We smiled and faced the grave together. Despite the heavy loss, it was now a turning point in our lives, especially my own. I looked up to the sky and felt the sun shine down on my face. 

"Well Bro..watch me all you want to man. I promise...i will....i will change and keep my word to you and live my life...thanks for everything you have ever done for me...but now i have to move on....good luck up there man,"i turned to the others and smiled. It's time to turn things around and keep moving forward.