Sanity: The Saw Chronicles [C]

Chapter 39 | Doorways

While most of us had our rooms in the living quarters, Ryan had his in his lab. He's such a workaholic. After getting stitched up and continuing on with his rounds, he eventually went to bed. It was a small room hidden away in the back. I barely noticed the door until he had went through it. Kuza easily drifted off as soon as I put him to bed. I rubbed his shoulders and gave him sweet kisses. He was out like a light, which is what I wanted.

See, I've been texting Ricky a lot today without Kuza knowing. I know it's kind of wrong since we're dating but at the same time, Ricky is my husband. So, is it that wrong to go behind my lover's back with my own husband? Fuck, this is getting too complicated. That's why I'm just going to... go with the flow. I didn't want to hurt Kuza. He was asleep though, so he won't know.

Ricky text me as soon as he was at the door. I couldn't leave the lab because the cameras would see me sneak out. If they think I have a deadly infection, they wouldn't be too happy with me leaving. I very carefully opened the door and let him in. Then I held my finger up to my lips to tell him to be quiet. He smirked, letting me pull him by the hand through the lab.

This building is old, meaning there's plenty of hidden rooms around here. I pulled back the heavy iron door of one of those many areas. Ricky slipped in behind me and found the light switch. It was just a storage closet for chemicals, it looked like.

"Sorry, I don't want to wake Mike." I softly said.

"Uh-huh," He set his hands on my hips, "Is that it?"

"Totally." I grinned. Gently, I set my hand on his face, "I don't know what came over me but I just started missing you really badly today."

"I'm here now. I'll always be right there when you need me. I'm sorry for the things I did and said to you."

"It's... It's not your fault. You were possessed by a demon, after all. I can't blame you for that." I responded.

He sighed, "It's weird because it's not like they describe possession. People always say that it's like you know what you're doing but you're not in control. That's not how it went. When I was actually doing those things, I felt like me. I felt like I was the one doing them. Then, as soon as I woke up after Kuza bit me, I thought back on what I had done and I couldn't believe I did it." Ricky leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Ricky, Baby, it's okay. I hurt you, too. I'm sorry... Kuza was right. He told me I'd end up coming back to you and he was right." I admitted.

"He has no one to love him the way we love each other. For awhile, I left you in that same loneliness. I understand why you two started to see each other."

"You're right that he has no one to love him. I am the only one, and it's for that reason I hope you're okay with us continuing some sort of relationship. You're still my husband and I still love you, but he's going through a very difficult time right now. He needs someone to hold at night."

"A difficult time," Ricky murmured, "Yeah, I know how that goes."

"Oh, Ricky, I'm so stupid. I'm sorry. I... I should've been there for you when you lost your father. I was so selfish and treated you like shit. I of all people should know how that feels." I said.

"We've both made some mistakes. Let's stop talking about them. Let's talk about us." He grabbed my hand, "Are we... Together again? Or... How do you want to play this?"

"I married you for a reason. I love you. I need you, but Mike needs me more right now. I have to be there for him. I'm still going to be there for you, too. When I can. Ryan isn't letting me leave the lab for awhile, which means this might be the only time we get together for awhile."