Sanity: The Saw Chronicles [C]

Chapter 23 | Tears of a Madman

"I know even with all his federal training, you could kick his ass." Ryan spoke while threading stitches into my cheek, "Why didn't you fight back?"

"I tried to." I muttered, feeling emotions pulling down my eyes. They welled further, "I just couldn't. I shut down."

He tied off the end of the thread. Ryan set the needle down, then collided his hand with my face. I uttered a girly yelp and looked back at him like an abused puppy.

"Snap out of it. Stop acting like such a little bitch. You and I both know this isn't who you are. You're a fuckin' stone cold killer that's numb to emotion. Not a damn wimpy abused housewife." He told me.

"Ryan, has anyone ever told you sympathy isn't your strong suit?" Ashley asked from where she sat on the window. Actually, she was sitting on the air conditioning unit under the window, but the dead city fell behind her either way.

I sighed, "He's right. I've let myself get soft. Love is destructive to who we are. I let it take away the vicious monster inside of me. Without that monster, I'm no one."

The motel door shut behind me as I walked into Ryan and I's shared room. Yes, you heard me right; motel. This wasn't really Ricky's doing, actually. Ryan preferred to stay here. Considering I tagged along at last minute, I'm in no position to bitch about his choices. Doesn't mean I won't complain in my head. They don't even have coffee here in the mornings. I'm used to five star room service, fluffy king beds, and those gorgeous fancy bathtubs.

"How'd things go?" I asked him as I sat down on the bed to take off my shoes.

Ryan was laid back, staring at the ceiling. "I didn't go." He replied.

It was weird to see him not working. He's always got a notepad or laptop at his fingertips. I guess this really was fucking with him. He came this far to turn back now? I don't think so.

"What do you mean you didn't go?" I asked, "I watched you leave. Where did you go?"

"I drove to her house and watched it for awhile. She's married now. She has kids." His voice was practically monotone. Ryan sat up. "I can't kill her. I can't take her from her family like that. I don't know why I didn't think-" He sighed, "I didn't think about that. That she's moved on. That she has a life."

With a sigh, I stood up. I slapped him across the face, hard. His head whipped to the side and he actually seemed a little pissed by it. At least I got some emotional reaction from him. I was starting to think he'd been replaced with a robot. Plus, that slap was payback I've been waiting on for three years.

"Stop this. You kill people with families all the fucking time." I said, "Sure, they're death row inmates, but they do have families."

"They did something to deserve to die. There's a reason they're on death row!" He responded.

"She's done something to deserve it too!" I replied without missing a beat. Kneeling down in front of him, I set my hands on his knees, "She created you. She created a psychopath. She deserves to feel the repercussions."

"Devin, I can't. I-" Ryan covered his face with his hands, "It fucked me up when I saw her face. She's still so beautiful. I... I didn't get mad at her when I saw her. I got mad at myself for being so... stupid."

"We don't have to kill her. We'll force her to vow silence and we'll tell Ricky that you decided not to go through with seeing her. He doesn't have to know, but Ry, you have to get closure." I set my hand over his, "A gun doesn't always have to be the only way to get it. Talk to her."

It was so hard to see him this way. Ryan has never cried. Not in front of me, at least. I wouldn't doubt if this is the first time he's cried since he and Bambi broke up years ago. Ryan squeezed my fingers, moving our intertwined hands to his lap. He sniffled, running his thumb over the letters tattooed on my fingers; LOST.

"They'd know. They'd kill her." He muttered, "Big Brother is real and if you think they aren't watching us every damn second, you'd be very, very wrong."

"If they were, then wouldn't Ricky have known I cheated on him?" I asked.

"No. He's not cleared to even know about Big Brother. It's one of those things I found out on accident." He replied.

"Great, so you knew about government created zombies and Big Brother. Is there anything else you'd like to admit you know before fucking aliens come down on us?"

"I can't answer that. I might be miserable in life but I don't want to be dead." Ryan said, taking in a deep breath, "They might not kill her but I don't know if it's worth the risk."

"For me, it would be, but I'll leave it up to you. I'll be by your side no matter which way you decide to go with this." I stood up slowly, "Sleep on it. We still have another day here."

Ryan sighed and fell back on the bed. I walked over to my suitcase to get a nightgown. It sucks being away from my snuggly demon. Just one night of falling asleep next to him and now that's all I want. I took off my long black dress that pretty much covered everything. Then I slipped a silky red dress over my head. Ryan didn't even budge.

He grabbed his phone off the side table, checking for messages. Oh, c'mon. I'm not giving up until I get a rise out of him. Whether it be from me or someone else. I respect asexual people completely but Ryan wasn't born asexual. He did have a sex drive at some point and I don't think they just go away on a whim.

I crawled up onto the bed, deciding to have a little fun. We needed to break up some of the tension after his small breakdown. I moved my leg over his hip, trailing my hands up his chest. He didn't even look away from his phone.

I huffed and pushed down on his chest, "C'mon! This does nothing for you?!"

"Nothing." He responded, "You're starting to sound like Reese. Even if I had any sexual desire, I'm straight."

"How does that even make sense? If you're not attracted to anything how can you have a preference?" I asked.

"I can still have relationships and I prefer them with women. I just don't need sex to survive."

I pouted as I got off of him, "Nikki's straight and he lets me blow him."

He glanced over at me, "Well, I'm not Nikki. If you're so hot and bothered, why don't you sext your boyfriend."

"Maybe I will." I replied, leaning over him to grab my phone from the table.

Might as well. Ryan obviously didn't give a shit if I was naked in front of him. He gets annoyed by constantly having sexy stuff around him but he puts up with it. I've got skills with taking nudes quickly so it only took me a second. I got on my stomach and pushed my butt in the air, taking a nice little picture for Kuza.

He was very quick to respond with a hot as Hell shirtless picture. I wanted so badly to get on my knees in front of him and suck his cock. Only two more days but fuck, those two days might kill me. I need him now like I need air. It might be a small fling born out of anger and spite for my husband, but the fires are raging higher and higher. I not only dance in the flames, I am a flame. Ricky better fucking watch himself because he's going to get burned if he's not careful.