feelings: are a piece of shit||dairy

Cause Im not gay, well i might be...

8.9.2016

Today was the worst.
The worst.
So in the summer I blerted out to Sally that I had a girlfriend.
And school started yesterday, so she asked if I was going to tell Gail, I really wasn't sure, I really only established the fact that I could be a different sexuality around Easter so not that long.
I wasn't ready to tell people, I did it anyway, I'm really bad at keeping my mouth shut.
So Sally kept nagging me to tell her, so today I did.
I was hanging out with other friends and I didn't really want to tell them, I didn't want to tell Gail either but Sally will not shut up.
So here I am dragging Gail off to a different part of the garth to tell her.
And I didn't know what to say, I don't know what sexuality I am, like no clue.
So what was I ment to say, I'm gay, I'm bi, I'm poly, I'm pan, what do I say.
So I decided to say gay, and regretted it, cause I'm not gay, but I feel like it's the only one she would know what it means, I then corrected myself, and she was pretty okay with it.
Then I came to join my other friends, I sat down and then my friends Roxy, decided to mention about that thing I put on wattpad, you know that message I sent out, saying I got a girlfriend.
And there I sat feeling bad.
I didn't really want to tell anyone, that wasn't my plan, my plan was to hide, and never come out until like I was 16 or until I know my sexuality.
But apparently not.
So I told everyone else, cause I felt bad, I mean 3 of my friends know and the others don't, so I told them, fuck it.
And a regret pours over me.
I want to undo all the times I have told people, all.
I want to be that girl that likes anime not the gay girl.
I really want to tell some of my friends that me and my girlfriend broke up, not that I want that, but that how much I regret telling them, I mean I might say to my friends that we did brake up, and mabye a week later I will say I'm straight, and I just had a messed up brain at the time, but I'm not sure.
And plus people from school are going to read this.
So friends if you read this, forget I said anything, ANYTHING, according to you in 100% straight and am dating no body.
I just really want to appear as a straight human being to everyone, cause then I know what I can and can't hide form people, cause when 1 person knows they ask you questions and then the others don't know, then you feel bad.
And I just want to be back in the closet, I know most people may not say this, but I just wanna figure it all out before I tell people.

I want people to pretend I'm straight and I'm shoving this all over the Internet, good plan Sammy.
Anyway I'll be off now, next chapter will be up when somethings interesting happens.
So maybe some time next week.
~ Sammy