feelings: are a piece of shit||dairy

Guts

21.1.2017

I sat on the couch.
Shovelling takeaway noodles in my mouth.
As my mind slips into thought land.
Jay popes up.
As I begin to think about her I wonder what she is doing.
I wonder if she is eating.
I wonder if she is thinking of me.
I wonder if she isn't.
Does she even think of me.
"You seem to be thoughtful" my mum says as she sits next to me on sofa.
I snap out of my sate.
I look at my mum, not saying anything.
She then starts to eat her food.
I go back into my thoughts.
And continue to think.
Jay.
My mind pops back to before.
Does Jay even think of me.
As my mind starts to examine my thought.
Is our relationship even healthy.
We don't talk much any more.
With my school work, I don't have much time.
As I think about this reason I came up with.
I frowned upon it.
I didn't talk to Jay that much during the Christmas season, I had plenty of time.
I had no homework.
I have no excuse.
I think again.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to talk to her.
I feel like I'm going to embarrass myself.
Almost like I don't have the guts to talk to her anymore, afraid that she might turn me down, insult me.
But Jay would never do that.
So why am I so afraid.
Why am I even writing this.
This is going to help nobody.
I should be talking to her.
But I don't have the guts.
I'm afraid.

~Sammy.