feelings: are a piece of shit||dairy

I kinda came out

10 July 2017

So I have some kinda cool news, I came out...
To my sister.
Not my parents, sorry.
Basically last night we were joking about if I was a lesbian, I can't really remember how we got onto the topic, but she got all serious and said 'but really if you are a lesbian tell me' and then we proceeded to joke.
And once we got home from eating I followed her into her room and told her I was gay, well not really.
I awkwardly sat on her bed and I couldn't get it out of my mouth so instead I said 'it's about the stuff we were talking about before' and then she got it.
And while I was there it was just kinda fuck it, and I told her I was non-binary.
So yay, my sister knows woah, and before you ask she was totally chill with it all, we talked for a while, I ended up crying and I think she did as well...
Idk I think she was trying to hold it in.
But she encouraged me to tell my parents, and I think I will.
I mean yesterday it sounded like a good idea but now it sounds really awkward, and I don't want to do it but I also do, I'll try by the end for the week, maybe.
My sister asked me to do it before this wedding we need to go to, so I'm not super dysphoria for the whole time cause of what I have been forced to wear.
But I was planning on coming out a year from now, I was planning on texting them before the last day of school, so I'm at school when they need to process it. Cause pressing send it so much easier then talking.
But I might try.
And I think I will cause recently I've been really dysphoria, like all last week I've cried cause of how bad it's been, either by my self in my room or in front of my friends (thanks Millie for be a great listening on the last day of school, really appreciate it)
But it's just been bad.
So I might.
And I have also been noticing that they have been calling me by my birth name a lot, maybe I'm just noticing it more now cause whole month of pride I was feeling pretty guy like so.....
I'm not sure how it's going to turn out.
Hopefully by school everyone will be calling me Sam even the teachers.
But I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
But yeah, wish me luck!
(Btw the 14th of July Non-binary people appreciation day or something, so appreciate anyone you know who is non-binary including me)
~Sammy