feelings: are a piece of shit||dairy

Fan fiction makes me feel.

10.4.2017

Am I depressed?
I don't hate my self.
I don't want to cut.
I don't want to die.
I'm not angry very often.
I'm not sad either.
But I feel nothing on some days.
Like nothing makes me feel anything.
My friend's smiles.
Nothing.
My friend's jokes.
Nothing.
My mum's cooking.
Nothing.
Texting my girlfriend.
Nothing.
Watching anime.
Nothing.
Eating chocolate.
Nothing.
Watching YouTube.
Nothing.
Ru Paul's Drag Race.
Nothing.
I FEEL NOTHING.
Is this bad?
I'm just floating my way through life,
I'm not sinking but not swimming either.
It only started recently, like the beginning of March.
I just stopped feeling for a couple days at a time.
COMPLETELY.
Is that a problem?
But I get feeling from something very weird.
Fan fiction.
Today I didn't feel anything.
I tried watching anime, Netflix, played cards, even wearing an outfit I felt confident in.
But nothing.
I don't feel enjoyment like usual.
However I was lying in bed.
Reading fan fiction.
Feeling.
FEELING.
ACTUAL FEELING.
You may describe theses as feels.
But I felt.
I felt for lances brother crying, I felt for Keith in the hospital, I felt when Lance called Keith Flower Boy, I felt for Draco and Harry when Ron and Hermonie walked in on them having sex.
(Don't ask)
I felt.
I FELT.
I felt for theses gay fictional characters.
I CRIED.
I haven't done that recently.
I felt.
This makes me excited, very excited.
This makes me feel.
Feeling makes me feel.
Do you get me?
So am I depressed?
Or is life just so boring that only gay boys makes me feel good sometimes?

~Sammy