feelings: are a piece of shit||dairy

Only a matter of months.

19.1.2017

"You look like a boy" my mother says as I step into the room.
I freeze.
I see her face.
Shocked.
Angry.
Mad.
Sad.
Sad, that her 'little girl' looks like a boy.
Sad, that what makes me happy kills her.
I always new my mum didn't see eye to eye with me about my hair, my clothes and such.
But it was heart braking to see her admit it.
I suppose my mum always hated my hair since I go it cut short.
She just never said anything.
It was always in the back of my mind.
Always.
It never left.
As I consider all this.
My smile drops.
"So you don't like it" I ask.
She hesitated.
Not saying anything, trying to figure out how to word it with out offending me.
"Not perticaly" my mother says quietly, as if saying it quietly would make it less pain full to hear.
But it was still just as painful.
To know my mother didn't support me with this disunion to get my hair cut shorter then usual.
I put in a fake smile.
"It's fine" I say leaving and walking into my room.
Small tears drip down my face.
I wipe them away as if nothing happened.
For it was just hair.
And they were only tears.
It will blow over.
And it will only be a matter of months for this to repeat again.
For it will only be a matter of months until my next hair cut.

~Sammy.