So I just want to talk to you about the anxiety I might have. The anxiety I'm likely to have is Social Anxiety Disorder, also known as S.A.D. Before you ask, no I have not been diagnosed, this is me just researching and taking online tests. But basically I find it hard to do a lot of things in social settings. Even something as simple as talking, I can't do sometimes. So I started to research about it a couple of days ago, cause I wanted to know why I'm afraid to eat in front of people, the most amount of people I can eat in front of and feel totally mentally stable is 1, anymore and I begin to feel pursued. I can normally deal with eating with 2 people, but it's still hard and I don't talk as much along with I eat slower. Which is why I normal try and turn myself on the table so it looks like there was one singular person there. But I wanted to know why, as far as I'm considered being afraid of eating in front of people is not normal. So here I found myself on the Internet Googleing about being afraid of eating in front of people. It started to link up to OCD, however I do not have OCD, not one bit. Yes I do get annoyed a little when things don't look right, but it's no OCD. So I continued to read and look, and I came across S.A.D. Now I guess I have always kinda known I have had a form of anxiety, I thought I only had a small amount of anxiety, from my low self-esteem and social behaviors, but I never really thought it was this serious. So the next thing I did was goggle social anxiety disorder, and I found this among all the reports and information things. Some of the problems associated with social anxiety disorder include poor school performance, low confidence in social situations, trouble developing and maintaining friendships, depression. And I looked at it and thought it describes me rather well, and I don't think that is a good thing. So I took an online test. I thought there would be no harm. I was very very very wrong.
¡Ay! Esta imagen no sigue nuestras pautas de contenido. Para continuar la publicación, intente quitarla o subir otra.
According to this I have very server anxiety, and I just plummeted into depression for a lit bit. I mainly drop in and out of depression, something needs to trigger it. For instance finding out you have more anxiety then 93% of the population.
¡Ay! Esta imagen no sigue nuestras pautas de contenido. Para continuar la publicación, intente quitarla o subir otra.
So by the time I went to sleep I was pretty okay, then school started the next day. We had PE, this means changing rooms. And because I'm so lucky to be in the changing room with double the amount of people, therefore I feel like there are even more people constantly judging me and looking at me. Along with the fact it is very loud. So I tried to hide as much as possible, and change as quick as possible, after I did that I just surrounded myself in the Harry Potter to try make me feel better, is worked a bit I guess. Then it was time for the lesson, we had to sit down quite close together, that didn't help, then we were around to go on basically any of the things (idk what to call them) For the whole lessons I decided to go in the rower as it was in the corner and not many people could see me. Then we had to get changed again, I did it as quick as possible before the other group came back. And then I headed to brake, and after went to my next lesson, Maths. Maths was fine, as it normally quite quiet, I just didn't participate as much as usual, then English came round. The worst thing ever. I sit between people. I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable sitting between two people in a lesson, it's so bad I'm not able to focus or participate in class. So thought out English I constantly felt anxious. Then I went off the science. Once I arrived I released I had to sit between two people. However I managed to persuaded my friend to mover over so I only had to sit next to her, so that was okay. Thought science I still felt kinda anxious though, maybe it was because there are a lot of people in my science class, I'm not too sure. But I couldn't concentrate, so I started talking to my friend Grace about it. It was kinda nice, even though we only did half the work we were meant to do. I came out of science and I kinda just wanted to pack up my stuff and go, however that didn't happen. Mia, one of my close friends, decided to ask what was wrong. Cause I was being rather quiet. I kinda didn't want to answer, I just said I was fine, cause I was fine, I think. But I headed down to meet my friend, Lottie, we headed to a ICT room and there were some yr 10 or yr 11 and it made me really uncomfortable as they were being quite loud so I just put on my headphones and read hopping it would distract me, it kind did. At like 1:15 we headed to lunch and sat down. I saw Mia sitting alone so we went to sit with her, even if it would mean I would feel slightly uncomfortable. It was going okay I was kinda quiet but it was good for the fact I was eating with 2 people. And then Sally and Erin came to sit. It was horrible, I couldn't even seem to eat at all. I managed to eat but I did that thing I do. I kinda hunch over and take extremely small bits of food. But I did finish my food. Then me and Lottie headed up to our form rooms. We sat outside them for a bit and just talked. We had a chat about my anxiety, it was good, she understood it, it was all good. So I read for the whole of afternoon registration and then I needed to go to HE. And I was expecting it to go very badly. It is very loud in there and there are a lot of people. But it was better then expected, at times I did feel very anxious, but it was okay. And then I the train ride home was completely fine.
So there you go, a day in the life of someone who may had S.A.D. ~Sammy
