feelings: are a piece of shit||dairy

Just cry

24.5.2017

Today I cried.
I cried before Spanish.
And I don't really cry often, not in public anyway, I try to hold back to tears and pretend I'm okay to save other people sadness.
But I just couldn't do it, Katie sat down and noticed something was wrong, I closed my book and just cried.
I just cried into her shoulder.
My eyes were red and puffy.
But it felt good, I had held in so many tears at school, and it just felt nice to let it out.
Amy walked in, showing the most amount of concern, even though she thought I was a total loser until I sat next to her in English, and attracted the other people in the room.
But can we just chat for a minute.

Why is it when I cry you notice and you act like we are best friends and you know me?
But when I'm normal, you ignore me, bully me.
But when I'm upset, NOPE.
Needs to make this person feel better even though I have no clue what she is going through.

And everyone gathered around me asking what was wrong using my brith name, I don't blame them, they don't know.
But do you know why I'm crying,
Cause all day I have been swamped with birth name, birth name, birth name.
And it just got to me in chapel when I was left to my own thoughts.
And I just cried.
Now people calling me by my birth name isn't going to help me.
Katie trying to help, and she did, just no one listened, asked for people to call me Sam, she didn't explain why, she just asked, as I said no one listened and it was just birth name, birth name, birth name.
And then my teacher walked in, and stoped as soon as she saw me, I said I was fine, cause I'm sorry I don't want to explain to this teacher I don't feel comfortable in my body, and I want people to call me Sam, and that I'm not a girl but I'm not a boy either.

But my point of this story is, cry.
Cry and let it all out.
I actually wrote a poem about this.
And trust me having a little cry helped all the unwanted emotions out.
I feel like a therapist,
Anyway that my life right now.
So yeah, just cry.

~Sammy.