Fallback Girl : Days to Fall (Chat MD Series #3)

Day 56 : Crossing the line

Crossing the line
-----

My phone was continuously ringing. Nasa apartment na 'ko. Nakasalampak sa sahig at nakasandal sa pinto. I was weeping with all the tears na hindi ko alam kung saan galing at kung kailan huhupa.

Siguradong hinahanap na 'ko ng mga taong iniwan ko sa bar. Lalo na si Zig.

Shit. What do I do?

Everything I wouldn't want to make sense of, forced itself to me just because I saw JT kissing someone else.

Ayokong may kasama siyang iba. Ayokong may dumidikit sa kanya. Ayokong sa iba siya nakatingin.

Kaya ko siya hinahanap-hanap. Kaya hindi ako mapakali kapag hindi siya nagre-reply. Kaya masaya 'ko kapag malapit ako sa kanya.

He's not just a friend to me.

I am mad and hurt and furious.

I am scared.

Ito ang unang beses na naramdaman ko 'to. This feeling of wanting someone so bad that I want to rip a girl to shreds for stealing him away. This feeling of wanting to possess and claim him. This feeling of wanting him by side, looking only at me, wanting only me.

It is a sea of conflicting emotions raging inside me. Nakakatakot.

Pinsan siya ni Zig. And God, he already has a complicated position in his family.

What do I do with this feeling? How could I make this go away? How do I escape this? How do I undo feeling like this for him?

And what if JT knows about this? He shouldn't know.

Zig should help me.

Hindi kailangan ni JT ng komplikasyon na gaya ko. I should just disappear.

God, I should just disappear.

I heard a pounding at the door. Sinulyapan ko ang cellphone ko. Si Zig ang tumatawag. Is he by the door?

Nanghihina akong tumayo at binuksan ang pinto.

Si JT ang nando'n. Kuyom ang kamao niya at humihingal. Hinagod niya ako ng tingin.

Lalo akong naiyak nang makita siya. Bakit siya ang unang dumating?

Why are you here? I'm not supposed to see you.

But I couldn't speak.

I recognized fury in his dark face. Humakbang siya nang isa papasok sa pinto. Nakatitig sa'kin.

"Why are you crying again?" mabigat ang boses na tanong niya.

Pinahid ko ang luha ko. I swallowed.

"What happened? Bakit bigla kang umalis? Nag-away kayo ni Zig? Pinaiyak ka niya?" sunod-sunod na tanong niya.

Iling ang sagot ko. Nahihirapan akong huminga at magsalita.

"No..." Sumisigok ako. "He... didn't do... anything bad. He didn't do anything..."

It was me who's going to hurt Zig if he learned about my change of heart.

Pumikit ako nang mariin at sumigok. I don't want to see JT. Natatakot akong mabuko at magdala ng mas marami pang problema. He shouldn't be here with me.

Narinig ko ang pagtatagis ng ngipin ni JT.

Nang magtaas ako ng mukha sa kanya, nakita ko ang sakit sa mukha niya habang nakatingin siya sa'kin.

"Bakit hindi ka pa rin masaya?"

I bit my lip and cried. I asked myself that same question after Zig confessed his love for me. Ngayong gabi ko lang nalaman ang sagot.