Me and Niall went back to his place and watched some tv. well he was watching tv. i was thinking about the whole adoption situation. i can't lead him on with all the ideas of him and his child playing together, but then I don't know how to tell him about adoption. Niall would be heart broken, and I can't stand to see him cry.
I place my hand on my stomach. This is such a hard decision.
"Niall what of I'm not a good mom?" I ask still looking at my stomach.
"What your going to be a great mom." He said still looking at the television. I leaned my head his shoulder.
"I know because your amazing with Theo." Niall kiss my head. "and. I love you." He hugged me. I return the hug back while giving him and kiss.
"and hah I'm so excited. Soon it will be me you and Jax." I look out the corner if my eye to see Niall smiling.
i can't do this i thought to my self.
"Niall I just want you to know that your going to be an amazing.loving dad."
I pulled out my phone. The only person I tell everything to is Zayn. I told him about my decision about adoption.
to zayn:
I can't tell him.
from Zayn:
you have to. I know if I was in his position I would want to know who knows about you two can talk about it.
To Zayn:
your right thanks Zayn.
FROM Zayn:
no problem I'm here if you ever need to talk.
I put my phone back and leaned back on Niall.
"He hasn't kicked yet." I said looking down at my stomach.
"Jax hey baby can you kick for me?" I asked the baby. Nothing. "love you to." I look up at the Tv.
"Let me try." Niall got up and sat I. front of my stomach placing both hands on it .
"Hey buddy. I love you." Then Niall kissed my little bump. Then bam Jax kicked.
My mouth dropped open. Niall shot his head up. "He kicked." We both laughed. I look at Niall' say somthing else' I mouthed to him. He nodded and went back to my belly. "Your going to have fun with you cousin Theo. and me and mommy love you very much-"
"Ow!" I move a bit. "You okay?" Niall asked with concern. "Yeah just just a powerful kick huh buddy?" I talked to my stomach. I can feel him move around.
why didn't keep kick when I asked him? Oh wait I'm stupid he probably knows I'm going to give it up for adpotion. Nialls singing brings me out of my thoughts. While Jax is giving small kicks around my stomach.
Seeing Niall like this makes me happy. Just imaging him holding Jax for the first time makes me want to cry.
"What color should we do the nursery? " Niall one again. pull me out of my thoughts.
"Hmmmm I don't know yet." I looked away.
"you okay?" Niall asked. Sitting back on the couch by me.
"Niall ......why don't we just give it up adpotion?"
"what? Adpotion?" He changed the channel.
"yeah I mean it would be good for Jax- I already found a family-"
"whoa wait what found a family, good for Jax?" Niall stood up from his spot.
"and when we're you going to tell me, when we're we going to decide together." I could tell he was trying to keep calm.
"you would have never agreed-" He cut me off.
"Ah so you decided to give it up for adoption without telling me? That was and selfish move! He my son too!" Niall pointed to him self.
"I know but I-" He didn't let me finish.
"you didnt what? want to talk about it. Darcy you were only thinking about your self! that's really selfish. He's mine to. You may not want me him I fucking do." He raised his voice. I could tell he wanted to cry. God I feel so bad now.
"and you lead me on... Darce.....we found a name for him....I had all these things we would do together when he's here."
"I'm sorry." I look up to see him walking out the room. and get minutes had passed before he came back in the room.
" and you told Zayn before you told me." His eyes looked sad.
Shit...........I really screwed up.
"Niall I'm sorry but I just want you to know I would have told you before anything big would have happened." I look down at me feet.
"Whatever." He shook his head and tax walked back out the room. I got abd went to my room crying.
