NECROCITY TIMES - Issue #1 - HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

Fashion while Undead!

Undeath is just terrible, right Collective?

I mean, as if feeling your body decay and break down and surrender to the entropy of the universe while your soul remains wholly intact while you age wasn't bad enough, now you get to feel yourself rot without the promise of death to relieve it.

So what's a person to do to look good?

First, you have to care for your skin while it's alive.

-Hydrate with water!

-Use a moisturizer right after you get out of the shower. Make sure you pat it on, don't rub!

-Get plenty of sleep. Rumor has it your skin heals best after midnight.

-Don't fall asleep with makeup on!

But when it's dead...

There are a couple methods, some less savory than others. One of our beauticians recommended 'baby oil' as a moisturizer, but she specified that you had to use "the first press of the freshest babies."

So given that feticide is not exactly encouraged here, there's always the Countess of Bathory's method of bathing in fresh blood. But our coffers are running a bit low just to keep @WattVampires fed, so maybe find your own from blood banks. Beauty has a price and we're not willing to pay it for you!

And be sure to always avoid any face scrub that promises to "get rid of your dead skin!" or those little fishies that like to eat dead skin off your feet. We'd like you to still be able to shamble around as you need!

When all else fails? Use makeup!

Did you know makeup, beauty, and self-expression have no gender? It's true! The mortician's craft of restoring the look of life to the dead can really help change your death mask.

Now remember, applying makeup on a corpse is different than putting it on living tissue if you've undergone the embalming process. As much as it promises to "firm" and "plump" your skin, this latest craze may not be best for you! It can leave your face feeling frozen and you're unable to express your emotions beyond "blissful eternal rest". And trust me, when you feel anything but, that is so frustrating!

If you have been embalmed because of well-meaning, less-than-understanding loved ones, though, an airbrush to apply the makeup works much better and doesn't leave streaks.

There's always mascara and fake-lashes to replace the ones you lost after your skin on your eyelids receded. Don't forget to pencil on your brows as well!

Regular lipstick works just as well. If you're ever needing quick make up and your un-life leaves you with no fear of contagious diseases or death, every funeral home has a "Makeup bucket" of donated cosmetics that were meant to be used one last time.

Be careful of contouring though! Death tends to leave one looking gaunt and wane, so honey you already got that bony, angular structure going for you!

And don't forget your nails. If you had to dig your way out of the grave, there's bound to be some bits of dirt and coffin debris and you might have lost a nail or two in the escape. You can look into permanent acrylics, but choose something you'd like to live with forever! Can you just imagine the damage removing an acrylic nail would do to a nail that won't heal?

Can't make it to a regular salon out of fear they won't be able to handle your specific needs? See a mortician! Morticians do it all, even plastic surgery!

What about the smell?

Cologne and perfume are your friends! In this case, a less is not more. Frankincense and myrrh are classics, but lavender is also always in season. Others to consider are sweet cinnamon or cassia, which long-term use in living persons might've lead to blood or liver disorders. But hey, we don't have to worry about that now, do we?

The other benefits of these oils is that they help prevent the decomposition process and keep you looking glorious!

What if body parts start...falling off?

Super glue works great for skin! And make sure you carry extra strings and needles to reattach limbs. If anyone asks, the glue is for your shoes or nails and the sewing kit is for your garments.

And if all else fails? Coconut oil-...I mean Glamour spell.