From Here On Out

four

"You haunt me when I fall asleep, You are in every breath I breathe."

Present Day

"You didn't." Not a question, a statement is the first thing Zeke says as he slams the front door.

Walking back in Tobias tosses his music and guitar on the couch, running his fingers through his hair. Letting out deep yet ragged breaths, anger and regret coursing through him.

"I--" unable to get a single word or phrase in Zeke cuts his friend off.

"She stayed by your side through every fucked up thing you did, not only to yourself but to her." Zeke speaks the truth, causing Tobias's guilt to grow inside him.

"Anyone else would've left the first time you went to rehab," Zeke adds, as Tobias's sits on the edge of his bed in his bedroom. "or much sooner."

Standing in the doorway saying these things doesn't make him feel any better, "But she stuck around because somehow... she still loved you through all that."

"So to throw that in her face," Shaking his head Zeke walks off, not bothering to finish what he was saying. He knows that Tobias gets what he's saying.

Flopping back on the navy sheet covered mattress, Tobias's mind screams.

He always screwed things up with Tris, and it's no different now.

/ / / /

A Year and A Half Ago

She knocks on the door, thinking he may still be sleeping. They stayed up late last night, and she snuck out early in the morning to grab water and Advil for hangovers she knew they'd have.

Opening the door as softly as she can, Tris sees that Tobias is still passed out. Shirtless and laying on his stomach.

She smiles at how peaceful he sleeps, looking like nothing will wake him. We'll see about that. She thought walking over to the bed, climbing on his bare back. Running her cold hands up and down the ink coated skin.

"Tobias." She whispers in her boyfriends ear.

Nothing.

"Tobias," She starts to laugh softly. "time to get up babe."

Nothing.

She shakes him harder, getting off him and kneeling on the mattress beside him.

"Tobias come on. This isn't funny."

Her voice begins to shake with worry, as her love lays there limp and motionless.

Biting her lower lip as tears brim her eyes, she sees the sun shine on something in the far corner of his side of the bed. Almost shoved underneath, are three more empty liquor bottles.

Tris knows for a fact they only went through a half bottle of cheap champagne last night. The others... he must have brought or bought while she was sleeping. And downed them just as quickly.

Covering her mouth with her palm, Tris muffles a sob.

"Tobias." She cries louder shaking him rapidly, hoping the motion would do something.

But nothing.

Relapsing was her biggest fear for months once Tobias got out of rehab the first... and second time.

And just like last time, her fear came true.

/ / / /

Present Day

The phone rings on the other line, the dead silence around him makes Tobias uneasy.

The ringing finally stops when the phone is answered, she must know who it is for she doesn't say anything. Just sits on the other line driving Tobias crazy.

"Tris?"

Moments pass, "Hm?"

A hum as an answer, Tobias continues.

"I wanted to call," Tobias runs the hand not holding the phone through his hair. "and say that I'm sorry about last night."

A day had already passed them by, but neither could forget the words nor the fight itself that took place last night.

A sigh is heard on the other side, "Tobias,"

The words she wants to say, the words that would be easy to leave for him don't come out. The truth comes out instead. Expressing everything she didn't get to add last night, not that she needed to really add anything more.

"I came by last night because I didn't know if seeing me would cause you to start drinking again--"

"If I hadn't already." Tobias finishes for her.

"I won't lie and say I hadn't thought about going out a buying a bottle, or stealing one from Zeke's room. But I didn't."

He can almost hear the slight smile that makes it's way on Tris's lips when he says that. "I just couldn't stop seeing all those times when you relapsed, or something triggered you to drink again. Whether it was some fight we were in or your father--"

"Tris," Tobias sighs. "I understand what you're saying."

He pictures that small smile fading as soon as she starts talking about those dark past times. He knows the pain he put her through, because he was in a deeper hole of pain.

"You don't though." Tris snaps.

Tobias stays quiet, "How many times did I have to drag you out of hotel rooms cause you were so wasted I didn't know if you were drunk of dead!"

Her voice shakes as tears makes their way to the surface with the memories.

"Tris." Tobias breaths out, shutting his eyes at the pained thoughts.

"God," Tris sighs. "It's conversations like this and last night Tobias, that make it so I can't... I can't do this."

"You can't even talk to me Tris?" Tobias questions, and Tris bites her lower lip on the other line. Wiping the tears from her cheeks she hears the emotion in his few words.

Sniffs are heard before an answer, "I want to be able to talk to you the way we used to. But there's too much pain here Tobias."

"So," Tobias pinches the bridge of his nose. He stands outside his truck, as he had pulled over needing to call her up. "what exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I think we need to try and start keepin our distance from each other, and moving on with our lives."

Her words were like stabs to his heart, he finally had her back in his life and she was leaving just as fast as she came in.

"That what you want?"

Was it? Or was it now to the point where it didn't matter what she wanted, but what she needed.

"Yes."