From Here On Out

twenty nine

"And I'll surrender to you, If you surrender to me"

Present Day

"So he still hasn't called?" Christina asks Tris, as they sit on the bed. The bed Tris should be sharing with Tobias, but instead with her best friend early in the morning. Tris leans against the head board, her hair a mess and still in her pajamas. Luckily it's a Sunday and she doesn't have to face work with a fake smile today.

It'd been over a week since Tobias learned the news she hid from him, and he hadn't called or been back to the house since he left.

"No," Tris sighs, her phone sitting in front of her. Hoping all the time that it will light up with his contact. "and I--"

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she can feel herself wanting to cry again. It's been on and off all week, the tears. The hurt and guilt being a constant though.

"And I'm scared he won't. That he isn't going to come back."

"Tris," Christina scolds in a light manner. "you know he'll come back, he has to."

Tris shakes her head, "Not this time he doesn't. This is me, all me this time. And what I did, Christina, it took me forever to forgive myself. I can't imagine him forgiving me anytime soon. Or ever."

"He'll be back," Chris tells her friend grasping her hand in her own. "he'll be back to talk about it again. He'll show up when he's not fuming."

Tris nods, wiping the tears from under her eyes. She could only hope that her best friend was right, that Tobias would show up.

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A Year Ago

"Ma'am, are you absolutely sure about this?" The nurse asks one last time, before the procedure begins.

Laying there, on the table like bed. Her head against the hard pillow and tears beginning to blur her vison.

"Yes," She whispers, wiping them away. "I'm sure."

They had asked her when she was getting set up, if there was anyone they could call for her. Anyone that should be there.

She could've called one of her friends, but this was something she didn't want them knowing. Something she wanted to keep only to her own knowledge.

The one person she wanted though, when it was all finished, was the one person she couldn't have. The one person she couldn't get to, couldn't tell about this. The one person she wanted was Tobias.

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Present Day

"I've been called a lot of things in my life," Tobias speaks, his hands holding the podium as he faces his fellow recovering alcoholics. The people in the same boat as he is, fighting their temptation when it's stronger than ever. "A liar, a worthless person, a bastard."

He pauses, taking a small look around. "A drunk."

"But the one thing I've yet to be called is Dad."

Tobias can see a few nod, agreeing with him for their own life stories.

"I know someday, I'd like to be worthy of that title. But for right now, I'm just me. A nobody, a nothin."

He knows those words are harsh for himself, as he knows he's been doing better. But he can't help but share them in this moment. "I could've been a dad, a year ago. But the person I thought I knew, the last person I expected to take that chance from me... did."

"I could be out at some park, pushing my daughter on the swing set right now. Watching her smile as she goes higher, and giggle as she feels me pushing her to those new heights."

The image of a little girl makes his heart swell, his face break into a smile.

"I could be teaching my son how to ride a bike right now, watching him fall a few times, but helping him get back up each time."

Tobias takes a breath, as the swelling joy is soon replaced with the burning pain.

"I wonder," He pauses, his grip on the wood tightening. "if it would've been different. If she had told me, or just waited and hadn't made that decision on her own. Maybe I wouldn't be struggling so hard right now not to go three blocks down and ask the bartender for his strongest bottle."

"She says she couldn't do it alone," Tobias says. "but never once, did I say I was done. That I was leaving her behind. She made that conclusion, she made that choice to move on. And she made the choice to destroy the family we could've had a year ago."

Tobias's eyes grow red as the tears begin to sting in the corners. "Life isn't fair. I know that, first hand. But when God tries blessing you with something that could make it a little bit better, you don't just throw that away."

Tobias shakes his head, "At least that's what I believe."

A/N: Very emotional part at the end, with Tobias at one of his meetings for me to write. I know again that this topic is controversial. But it is something I want in my story, and to write about. I hope that you will have faith in the places I will take this book, and the journey's the characters will travel. I am looking forward to writing the next chapter, since we will get to see Tobias confront Tris about this. Luv to all! :)