Something like Olivia

Chapter 16: Up All Night (by One Direction)

After the show I head to Niall's room.  For some reason I was nervous to knock on the door.  I know I stayed with him in LA but I feel like things are a little more than friends.  I take a deep breath and knock on the door.  He opens the door right away and welcomes me in with a hug.  The first thing he asks is if I enjoyed the show. I tell him they where awesome but don't let on how amazing I really thought it was. I still have not told him the truth about being a fan and how they saved my life. 

You can tell he just got out of the shower because his hair is laying across his forehead.  You can see his brown roots starting show. I really like his hair without all the products he uses to keep it standing up.

He ordered a pizza for us and suggests we watch another scary movie. He tells me the boys went out to a club but he wants to stay in to unwind after the concert. We grab the pizza and head to our same spots on the bed from the other night.  He picks out 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' as our movie entertainment for the night.   After we are done eating we turn out the lights to watch the movie.  The room is completely dark with the only light coming from the TV.  I am cuddled up to Niall and hugging a pillow. I have a firm belief that all scary movies need to be watched in the dark. It makes the experience a thousand times better and scarier.  We only get about half way through before Niall pauses the movie. 

He looks over at me and says, "I have a serious question for you."

Not knowing where he is going with this I say, "Go for it."

"Why do you keep hiding your face behind the pillow every time Leatherface chases his pray? I thought you liked horror movies?  If it is too scary we can turn it off."

"No.  Don't you dare turn it off."  I reach over him and grab the remote out of his hand.  "This is my favorite horror movie and yes it scares the shit out of me.  The fact that it is based on a true story makes me love it even more."

He laughs at me saying, "You are so daft."

"What?  Daft? What are you saying?"

He laughs even louder.

"It means silly."

I pout at him trying to make him feel bad for teasing me.  He puts his arm around me pulling me in closer to him.

"Next time you are scared I will protect you from the scary man with the chainsaw."

My heart is beating a 100 miles a minute as I cuddle into him and he turns the movie back on. I will admit I did use his chest several times to protect me from Leatherface. By the end of the movie my head was comfortably resting on his chest with his arm tightly wrapped around me. It felt so natural laying on him.

It's about 1am and we are wide awake and quite restless. I lay on him just looking up at his blue eyes. I could get lost in them for days.  Niall looks down at me while running his fingers through my hair.

"Tell more about your family."

I close my eyes and wonder how much to share with him.  I have a history of over sharing personal information and I have been trying really hard to not overwhelm him with my problems.  Sometimes things are left better in the past locked up where you left them.

I tell him, "My family is really complicated. How about I tell you about my brother, he is really important in my life?"

I figure Noah would be a good place to start since I already mentioned him earlier.  I tell him how my brother, who is only five years older, took care of me when I was little. Niall looks puzzled about how such a young boy would have to look after his younger sister. I continue to explain to him that my parents weren't always in the best state of mind being either drunk or high but over the years they have really gotten their shit together. I benefited more from them cleaning up because I was still young but my brother was older and felt like they had damaged him beyond repair.  I go on telling him about the adventures my brother and I would take and how as we got older he would try to distance himself from me. I understood he was in his teens and wanted to be alone with his friends but I still managed to find a way to tag-along. Soon enough I became the litter sister of all his friends.  It felt so nice to have so many people looking after me and loving me.  Niall is listening to my stories about my brother and seems very taken with how much my brother loved me and stepped up at the age of ten to take care of a five year old.

After talking about my brother for an hour, we talk a little about his brother Greg and how they were close growing up. He wishes he could see him more but they talk as much as possible.  He tells me that his brother and sister in-law are expecting a baby any day now.  He is so excited to become an uncle.  I tell him stories about my nephews and how much fun it is to spend time with them.  He is going to love being an uncle and I bet he is going to be the best one out there.

He is still playing with my hair and we are just relaxing. After our conversation about our families I want to know more about him.

I ask, "Niall, can you tell me something about yourself that you never told anyone?"

He pulls me back to lay on him and hugs me. 

He says really quietly, "I am afraid what will happen when this all ends someday. When all the people are gone and I am not doing what I love anymore."

He sounds so sad speaking those words.  I don't think he will ever be left alone.  He will always have some sort of opportunity open to him.

"What is it that you love?" 

"I love making music. Nothing more, nothing less."

"I think you will always have that. It just might be in a different way. Nothing can stay the same forever."

I don't think my words comfort him or take away the fear of the unknown.  I wish I would take all of his worries away but it is not realistic to think that life won't change.

He looks at me and says, "Your turn. Tell me something that no one knows about you."

"I'm afraid I will never find something that I am passionate about."

And I think to myself, or someone to love me.

He asks, "Aren't you in school to get a PHD in Anthropology?  That has to count for some level of passion with all of your hard work to get where you are."

"Yeah, I guess.  But when I think about my education, I think of it in terms of dedication instead of passion.  It never felt an intense desire to study one particular subject. I did fall in love with anthropology a few years ago but I just don't feel the pull towards it anymore. I really fell off track this last year. What I am talking about is something different. I have always searched for that one thing that drives me, makes me want to get up everyday and gives me a reason for living.  I just can't find it and I am afraid that I never will.  What if I never find it?"

Niall answers, "I don't know.  Never give up on yourself.  Don't settle for anything less than you deserve."

"I am trying not to give up.  I am taking year off school to do some soul searching.  I decided to move to London. I am leaving in a week and I am going to live with my friend Flora."

"Moving?  I was hoping to get to know you a little better while we toured the states."

"Well when you go back home maybe we can hangout sometime," I tell him.

He sits up on the bed and looks at me. It looks like a light bulb went off in his head.

He says, "Just hear me out, ok? Come with me on tour for the next week.  We can spend time together now."

I have so much to do before I leave.  I can't spend a week with him and blow off my family and Riley before I leave.  I stare at him for a few seconds and think he must be crazy.  I can't do this.  I won't do it. I shake my head no at him but "Yes" comes out of my mouth.  Wait what did I just do?  I guess my inner fan girl took over and won.

He leans down to kiss me on my lips. As they touch, I am torn between the thought of how good it feels to kiss him and how stupid I am for putting myself in this situation.  I keep telling him that we can only be friends and then I'm agreeing to spend a week with him.  I am making myself look like an asshole.  Everyone around us must think I am stringing him along.

He says, "Good.  It's settled.  I am going to change your ticket home."