Disregard To Danger (ManxMan)

Closure(36)

Packing everything up was hard. Even with the help of Kendall and Monroe. I couldn't believe the person who I thought was my best friend would do this to me. We have never fought like this before, sure we bickered but we would always make up. With him moving in a months time, I don't see that happening. 

The words he spoke hurt me deeply. He knows of all my doubts and worries and he just tossed them in my face with no care. How could he do this to me? I just don't understand. 

"Forget what he said Q." Kendall says to me. Plopping down on top of the bed beside me. I sigh and look over at him. It's not shocking as to why Monroe likes him so much. The man is beautiful. The perfect mesh of harsh and soft. They make a great couple.

"It's hard to do that. He was the most important person in my life. All my memories are with him and now he is leaving. Add on the fight we had and I just feel so... Confused." I explain to him. Watching as he looks at all the photos that line my walls. 

"You can make memories with others. I have many friends who I don't talk to anymore, but I still cherish those memories. Plus, who says that you guys won't make up?" he tells me, trying to cheer me up. 

"It's the look that he had in his eyes. He is set on not talking to me." I whisper, saddened by the thought. I have only seen that look on his face when he despises somebody.

"The things he said were not very nice Q, maybe he isn't the best to keep around. You don't want to surround yourself with toxic people." Monroe says from the door way. He went to get me some boxes to pack up my stuff.

"I know but it just feels like I'm alone. You guys are great, really, but Walker and now Avery? It's just hard." I tell them. Kendall nods in understanding. 

"Well let's start packing so you could get out of here sooner than later." Monroe says. Dropping the boxes onto the carpeted flooring. I sigh and look around the room. 

This place has been my room since I arrived in America. Sure, it wasn't as nice as the room I have back in Ireland but it was cozy and warm. Decorated in soft blues and greens, it was mine. I've never been able to say that before, and I treasured it. Now, it's gone in the blink of an eye.

"Just think of it as a new beginning. You're done high school, and now you are starting university. We will let you decorate your own room at our place, and help you find a place closer to which ever school you decide on."Kendall tells me. Pulling me up off of the bed with a small smile on his full lips.

"Thank you guys really, you are like the family I never had. I really appreciate it and once I find a job I will pay rent. I promise." I tell them. Monroe smiles at me, nodding his head no,

"You really don't have to pay us back, as you just said, we're family. Family helps one another out when they are in need,  and you sir are in need." Monroe says, not leaving any room for me to argue. 

"So, where should we start?" I ask the couple. Wanting to get this over with. They chuckle and we start to pack up the few things that I have stored in the small room.

-----

In a few hours we have packed everything up and loaded it into Monroe's car. Kendall was going on about all the fun things we could do now that I was moving in with them.  

It's hard not to feel like I'm intruding. This is what Walker would have felt when he was staying here. I would be staying in the same room, I realize. The thought makes a smile pull at my lips. I would be closer to him in a way, something that I need. It's been so long and I've forgotten his smell, and his laugh. I feel guilty, but we were just getting to know one another and this isn't a romance novel. 

Things aren't perfect, and they won't be for awhile. I'm oddly okay with that. I just wish that he was here. 

I understand why this is happening I am away from home, and independent for the first time. Well. Partially independent. 

"Are you listening to me Q?" Kendall questions. Turning around in his seat. 

"Oh... ugh. Sorry, My mid is lagging a bit. Must be because of everything that happened. What were you saying?" I ask sheepishly. A blush coating my cheeks.

"Well we were just asking if it's alright if we stop at the post office. Monroe has to mail a few forms and he forgot to do so today." Kendall explains. 

"Oh, yeah I'm fine with that." I tell him as my mind wanders to Walker once again. Has he been in contact with his brother? Or is he still hiding away?

---------

Walkers point of view.

The night mares have stopped finally. I think it's due to the medicine that they have finally put me on. Sure, it makes me slightly sleepy, but if it rids me of the horrid dreams, I'm more than fine with that side effect. 

I've lost count of how long I have been here. There is snow on the ground and I first arrived here in spring. So it's been months. I feel like I have made little progress. 

I am still closed off, and fear talking about my past. During group, I have to clench my fists to stop myself from running out of there. Why isn't this easier? I just want to go home. Home. 

More than half of the patients have gone home, either because they have finished the treatment, or for Christmas. 

Monroe is coming next week. He told me that Quincy moved in with him, didn't tell me the details of why. Which slightly concerns me. He most likely didn't want to tell me because of his fear of me becoming overwhelmed. That was months ago though. 

I have written a few letters to Quincy, but I didn't send them out due to fears. 

What if he has moved on? I didn't think that I would be away this long, my doctor says that he does see some improvement in my coping system. I don't want to go home until I'm completely fine. Which is why I rejected the offer to visit Monroe for a few days for Christmas. Instead he is coming here, which is nice. I'm afraid though. 

I haven't forgiven him completely, and I want to talk to him. Maybe we will finally get the closure that we have needed all along.