Disregard To Danger (ManxMan)

Realizations (39)

Walkers P.O.V

   Tomorrow is visiting day, and the pit in my stomach grows every second. I didn't expect for my brother to want to visit, let alone talk to me. I thought that he would consider me to be selfish, to want to escape from the every day world. Yet, here he is. Driving hours to get to this small town. 

   I know that I am making progress, yet I feel like I haven't. I still have the same fear of abandonment. It courses through my veins every time I think of home. Once I get past those insecurities and fears, I know that I can start working towards getting out of here. 

Every other veteran here has a family to go back to. Children running around every other weekend, causing the orderlies to finally have smiles on their faces. I never thought of having children, seeing as how bad of an upbringing I had. Barely remembering my real family, and having to live with a man that was a horrible step in for my father. I don't want to give my child the same life. Yet, who says that I would. If anything I would do anything to make sure that my child is happy, and safe. 

Now that I'm not in the military, maybe it's time to start thinking about the future, not the past. 

---------

Quincy

Watching Monroe leave was bitter sweet. In the back of my head, I thought that he would end up bringing me. Even though that thought is unrealistic, I just clung onto the ounce of hope that I would finally see Walker after so many months. 

Walker wouldn't be alone for the holidays though, Most likely for the first time in years. The thought causes my heart to harden slightly. Who allows a little boy to not have a hero, or even somebody to rely on. Now that boy grew up, he resents those around him, and harbors memories that nobody should have. Haunting him every waking moment of his life. Monroe goes about his everyday life, he has his family. Only now is he understanding the pain that his own blood has gone through. 

I sigh and turn away from the door, having sat by it for nearly an hour after the brother had left. Slowly, I get up off of the cold tiled floor. 

"I was waiting for you to get out of that head of yours." Kendall says. Sipping on a glass of wine in the living room. 

"Do you hate this... whole thing?" I ask. Falling onto the couch beside him, pointing my body towards the warm fire place. 

"Sometimes... yes. This is Monroe though... Whether I like it or not. I wish that this didn't have to turn out how it did. Everybody wants a perfect life." He says. I look at him softly. 

Since everything happened with Walker his life has fallen apart. When your partner is targeted by stress, so are you. 

"I hate everything. Do you think that Walker would have gotten help if I wasn't in his life?" I ask him. Voicing a question I've thought since I found out about his problems and him leaving because of it.  

"Maybe not at the time that he did, but eventually yes. You were a huge factor in it though, he wants to be better for you"

"Why wouldn't he want me to know where he is though. I know that he's getting help, and I have no way of getting into contact with him." I sigh.

"You should write him letters, and have Monroe deliver them. This isn't going to be the last time that he visits his brother." Kendall says. My eyes widen.

"Why didn't I think of that? I could have sent them with Monroe for Christmas. " I pout. Crossing my arms over my chest.

"Better get writing then." He jokes with a soft smile.

I jump out of my seat, feeling more energized and up beat than moments before. I can finally talk to Walker again.