Disregard To Danger (ManxMan)

Support, doubt and questioning (62)

*Walkers p.o.v* 

It's be a week or so since I've been back. Saying that it was silent is an understatement. Monroe worked for most of the day, when he returned he would heat us up some leftovers then escape into his home office. If this is what he's been like for the past couple of months I don't blame Kendall for telling him to either get help, or they're done. 

Monroe attending therapy is a large step, but him continuously going is a leap. He had attempted going a few weeks back, but he stopped going because he thought that he was a lost cause. Seeing Kendall doing his own thing put him in gear though, he didn't want it to get this far. Hell, he had signed a mortgage for a house just before I had went off to rehab. He was going to surprise Kendall with it for their anniversary, yet it never got to that point. 

We had just gotten back from one of his sessions, and I had switched into my lounge wear when we get a knock on our front door. Over the T.v I could only hear slight murmuring before Monroe walked in followed by Holden. Seeing his instantly made my mood increase, finally some human interaction. His hair was in a mess as per usual, he has never been able to tame his wild curls. He was nervous, I can tell right away. He was never good at hiding his emotions, he got in trouble for it a lot in foster care that's for sure. He was covered in paint, so he must have came here directly from his studio. 

 "It's about time that you showed up. What took you so long?" I drawl out, reaching for the remote to turn off the t.v.

"Yeah sorry about that, I wasn't sure if I was welcomed." he hesitantly says. His nerves radiating off of him in waves. The thought that he doubted coming here stung a bit, I thought that we were too close for that. We have both been through hell and back together, and have both witnessed each other at our worst. 

"Don't be stupid. You're family, you can always swing by. I'm not going to bite." I tell him, trying to lighten the dark mood. He lets out a breath, his shoulders slumping. 

"I was going to come sooner, but I talked myself out of it every time. I'm a shitty best friend." 

"Don't worry, I'm glad that you didn't have to see me that way. I wasn't in a good place."

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"Is it weird being back?" he asks me out of nowhere. We had filled the silence with mindless banter, which was nice. Seeing as the only conversations I've had the past few months have been so calculated and serious.  

"Not really, the environment is massively different. Everything there is so sterile, and it's like you're always walking on egg shells. Here, it's a bit more lonely seeing as you are my first visitor since I've been back. Monroe has attempted to keep me company but he isn't much of a talker. Kendall is coming over tomorrow, so I'm excited." I respond. 

"I haven't really heard from Kendall in a while. I miss him at the clubs, not that I go that often anymore anyways." He has always been a reckless kid, and I have always feared that he would get himself into a situation that he wasn't able to fight himself out of. 

"You, not going to the club? That's new." 

"I have my eye on somebody at the moment. You know I love a challenge." He states, causing me to laugh for the first time in months. 

"Boy, do I know that. Do you remember Thomas Butler, in tenth grade. Straightest man out there until you met him. You had him wrapped around your finger within the hour. You must still be the talk of the town for that stunt. His girlfriend wanted to kill you." 

"Fuck, he was tight. Virgins are always the best." He says crudely, causing me to glare at him. I have always hated how he speaks when it comes to sex. He has little to no filter. 

"Don't lie. You love any ass that you can get into. Who is this guy anyways? The one who has caught your eye?" When he hesitated, I knew that this guy was more than just a challenge. Holden has always loved the chase, anything beyond that was boring. 

"Well, that's complicated. Seeing as he's involved with our group." This was shocking for me, seeing as he had always strayed away from hitting on anybody from our friend group. 

"No shit. It isn't Kendall is it? I heard from Monroe that you guys went on a date before." I guess, causing my best friend to roll his eyes. 

"Of course he did. That barely counts. He is my friend, that's it. The guy is Landon, so you can see why it is so complicated and challenging."

"Wow, I think this is going to be your hardest one yet. Going after a master dom, Kendall's Ex, and Monroe's best friend. Holy hell, good luck with that." 

"Oh I already know Brother. This is going to be fun. Well, enough about me and my woes. How're you?" There was many ways that I could have responded to this question, seeing as it was so vague, yet I knew that he would pester me and I wasn't in the mood for that. 

"So far, I haven't done much. Was going to enlist Kendall to help me. They have gotten very close since I have left, Monroe says that Quincy is the little brother that Kendall has always wanted. He knows what will land me in Quincy's good books. I'm just hoping that I'm not too late." I tell him, smiling thinking of Quincy. I knew that I had to move quickly. I heard that he has remained single for the duration of my rehab stay, but this could change in a quick second. 

"Well, thanksgiving is right around the corner. Maybe use that as an excuse to see him?" This was a solid suggestion, seeing as Thanksgiving was the one holiday in my household that was relatively normal. I could easily arrange a holiday here. 

"That can work, I just want to show him that I can be enough." I whisper, trying to convince myself that I have come far enough. That I could fully support the love of my life with no doubt in my mind. One day, I'll look back at this moment and scoff at my hesitance.