Disregard To Danger (ManxMan)

Change (9)

"Sir, your flight is boarding," the flight attendant says. Shaking my shoulder. Causing me to startle.
Today I'm going home. For the first time in years. Even after my injury I couldn't stomach going home. I was thankful that I needed to go through endless hours of physical therapy and countless group therapy sessions.
Still to this day I could imagine that day like it was yesterday. The day where I lost most of my men. The most bravest people I knew. The days following were hard. I didn't want to leave my room. I would yell at anybody that entered. I was angry. At everything, but mostly. At myself.
How did I let this happen? How did I lead my men to their death. Most of them had families. Kids, wives... They had time. Yet, I caused their futures to tarnish. For their families to watch them as they are lowered into the ground. Saying their final good byes.
The only thing getting by was the letters. From the men that survived and my family. I didn't tell them that I was hurt. No longer serving because of my injury. All they know is that I'm coming home. That's enough for them.
"Thank you miss " I thank. Smiling at her softly. I'm dressed in my uniform. Attracting many looks of admiration from strangers. Kids to come up to me, thanking me for my service. I wanted to ask them why? Why should I be thanked? I led men to their death beds. I do not deserve this praise,
I never did, and I never will. I will always be a coward,
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My flight just landed in Denver. The city that both my family and Holden moved to. I heard that Jackson met a man, and fell in love. So I couldn't wait to meet him. To see my family that I missed more than anything. I knew that Jack would hold a lot of guilt. Which is ridiculous. He was my brother and best friend. He could do me no wrong, I also know that Holden will be excitable.
He's grown up now, judging by the pictures that he sent me of his achievements. I'm proud of him. He took life in his own hands and created what he wanted. He's now a successful artist just a step away from graduating. I'm glad that I'm back in time to see that. The thing that he would rant about in his letters was the club that he visited. He found himself. Finally, after years of seeking.
Now, it's my turn. I've been running for too long.
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I grip my brother in my arms. Not wanting to let go. It's been too long since I've felt his strength. Since I've felt protected. I barely hear everything around us, as a bubble forms around us. We exchange words of love. Bringing tears to my eyes.
When we pull apart Holden takes his place. I couldn't help but smile at my best friend. My second brother. His hair was long, and curly. Just like I remembered it. His pants covered in paint, and a pencil shoved behind his ear. God I missed him. I missed everybody.
I could spot the worry in his eyes a mile away. He noticed my limp. The one I can't seem to get rid of. No matter the effort and hours in therapy. I know that it's the price I had to pay. So I shoulder through it,
"I missed you." He whispers into my ear. His voice tight,
"I promised you that I would come home." I choke out. I'm home. Safe. Away from everything. My past.
It's time for a change.