Starting Over

4. I Promised

"Please stop, stop please," I cry out in pain, I can't breath. He is on top of me suffocating me.

"You're hurting me," I try to push him out but the force is too much. I'm being held down and I have no control. My body shakes with pain, my throat feels red raw from screaming.

"Help me! Someone help!!" I yell.

"Hey hey hey, Ella breathe, in and out. In and out,"

"Jeremy," my voice is squeaky and my legs are shaking.

"Sshhh it was just nightmare, it's okay," he whispers climbing in my bed and holding me against his chest. I can feel his shirt dampening from the tears spilling out of my eyes.

Jeremy keeps whispering soft things in my ear as he rubs my back. Listening to his heartbeat calms me down.

"Jeremy, please stay, don't go," I whimper softly.

"I'm not going anywhere,"

***

"Was jumping the fence really the best thing to do?" Dad questions as he sits at the end of my bed.

I hope he doesn't bring up what happened last night because I can't deal with the protests to go back to my therapist.

"Dad, what else did you want me to do? I was so shocked and hurt in that moment that I didn't know what else to do.

"Maybe you should move schools," Dad suggests.

"No!" I protest jolting up so fast that I immediately regret when a pain pierces through my head.

"You have no other choice, it seems to me the people at school are causing too much trouble for you." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Dad it's my fault all of this happened, I can sort it out on my own. I don't need your help and I'm NOT moving schools," I say walking out of my room.

"Ella! Don't you dare walk away from me!" My dad yells causing me to shiver. It's not very often that dad yells like that but when he does I automatically feel guilty for being a bitch.

I turn on my heal to face my dad, "dad, can I just see what happens for the rest of the week. If I feel that I won't be able to change the way I deal with things then I'll consider moving. But right now I have something to take care."

"Okay, okay. You have until Friday to figure it out." He points his finger at me. I turn to walk back to my room.

"Ella, wait," I turn back around to face him. "I promised your mum that I'll make sure you get the help you need for your anger management because she knew it'll get worse when she goes and when she did go I saw your whole world turn upside down and all I've ever tried to do was keep that promise for your mum." He says, tears brimming his water line whilst he leans on the stair railing.

"Dad, why didn't you tell me about this before? If I knew that all mum wanted for me was to be better than I would've taken that opportunity straight away." I pull dad into a hug as I hear him sobbing into my hair.

"I just thought that if you didn't know, I'll be able to help you without getting your mum involved because I know it's a subject that causes you to lash out." He whispers.

"I understand, dad, I do and I'll put it into consideration within the next couple of days, okay?"

"Alright, I love you, Ella. Have a good day at school." He says as he kisses my forehead.

"I love you too, dad and I'll try."

***

I walk down the hill to where my friends and I sit at lunch. I freeze in my spot when I see Jake sitting in the group and to me it seems like he's having a great time, laughing and joking around. Well, guess what Jake? You ain't gonna be laughing when I'm there.

With my game plan in mind, I keep walking towards the group. Opening my drink bottle and taking a sip, I ' accidentally' slip and my water goes over Jake.

"Oops sorry," I act innocently.

"What was that for?" Jake throws his hands up in the air, standing up so he's all up in my grill.

"I accidentally slipped, I didn't know it was going to go on top of you," I say sweetly batting my eyelashes and continue walking to the group.

"Is this because of yesterday?" Jake questions making me turn around to face him.

"I don't know, is it?" I shrug.

"Wow, this is just childish, Ella." He spits running a hand through his hair.

"Childish? I told you to stay away from me. So, don't come over here and act as if nothing has happened!" I point.

"Bella is manipulating! What else did you want me to do?" Jake says, emphasizing with his hands.

"Don't blame your fucked up actions on someone else. You are the one in control of them and you could've pushed her away and not said the arrogant things." Jake opens his mouth to speak but I beat him to it.

"You hurt me Jake and don't think I'll be able to forgive you anytime soon." And with that Jake walked off.

"You need to teach me how you come up with all of that," Emma says bumping our shoulders together. I chuckle as I pull her in for a hug. As I do though I notice Jeremy staring intensely at me.

We haven't spoken about the nightmare and usually we don't but last night was the worse it's been in the longest time and I can see the worry in Jeremy's eyes but I hope he can see that I'm not up for that subject of conversation.

I pull back from Emma. "Did you see all of that?" I ask Jeremy as I walk over to him.

"Yeah, I did." I open my mouth to speak but Jeremy stops me. "And I didn't interrupt because I knew you could handle yourself."

"I've always been able to handle things myself, Jeremy." I scoff.

"Yeah, whatever you reckon," Jeremy says patting my shoulder before walking to Emma.

***

Jeremy and I are walking towards his car to go home when he says something I didn't really want him to bring up.

"You could've given him a chance you know."

"Jeremy I don't want to talk about it," I say as I open the passenger door and get in.

"Look, Ella, I get that Bella is a bitch but the past is the past." He says turning in his seat to face me.

"I don't care, Jeremy, whoever is involved with Bella should never come near me and you would think that he would've known what happened with Bella, seeing as we go to the same school and pretty much everyone knows what happened," I say, ending the conversation.

"Yeah, you're probably right." He says clicking his seat belt in and turning into his seat properly to start the car.

Maybe starting over is what I need to change and get better.