Starting Over

28. I Just Want To Be Left Alone

I grab my house keys and step out of the car, walk to the front and unlock it. I walk straight upstairs to my bedroom, take my shoes off and tuck myself into bed.

I hear the hustle and bustle downstairs. I hear the water going from one of the showers and I hear footsteps on the top floor.

As I try to calm my breathing and fall asleep the doorknob to my door is rattling, telling me someone's coming in.

Light from upstairs enters my room and footsteps come closer towards my bed.

"There you are, we've been looking for you," I keep my eyes closed to give the hint to Jackson that I'm not in the mood to talk but I don't think he gets it.

"Hey, I know you're not sleeping," he places his hand on my upper arm and gives me a little shake.

I decide to open my eyes otherwise Jackson won't leave me alone.

"I'm tired, okay?" I say, rolling over, pulling the blankets closer to my chin.

"Elle you've been doing so well don't let this ruin it," he pauses. "We'll talk about this tomorrow." He stands up, sounding disappointed and walks into the ensuite. He slides the door closed and after a while, I hear the water start from the shower and I take the time to try and fall asleep again.

***

I feel angry.

I feel sad.

I feel guilty.

I feel scared.

But most of all I feel numb and cold.

I leave the house with my gym bag and car keys, I lock the front door and make my way to my car. I start my car and start to reverse out of the garage. 

Just as I'm about to turn out of the driveway, Jackson comes running out on his crutches, shirtless, in his grey sweats. I stop the car as he runs up to the car and gestures me to put my window down. I do as I'm told and let go of the steering wheel.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"To the gym," I say coldly. He looks at me with every concern in his body and folds his arms across his chest.

"Are you serious? Why can't you just talk about it instead of avoiding it?" He asks me, anger rising in his voice.

I realise what he has said sounds a lot like what Jake said when he came over before school months back.

Grinding my teeth, I slam my hand over the window buttons. I start to slowly put the window up. Jackson steps back from the car runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head.

I step on the accelerator and head down my street.

I look through my rear view mirror to see where Jackson is.

Jackson is nowhere to be seen.

Anger rises in my chest. It rises so high it makes me want to scream.

I turn into the parking lot of the gym and run in, eager to start punching the bag, eager to release the anger building up inside of me.

Hours into my gym session, Jeremy comes running in, to me, it looks like he is still in his Pj's. I stop and take my gloves off, facing Jeremy.

"What are you doing here Jeremy?" I ask, not looking at him.

"Really, Elle? What am I doing here?" He asks, with his voice rising with every word that comes out of his mouth. "Why are YOU here?" he asks pointing his index finger at me.