Starting Over

35. Doesn't Deserve Any Of This

Jackson's POV

"How's Ella, I feel like I haven't seen her in ages?" Mum asks in the passenger seat next to me as I drive to Charlotte's appointment.

I stiffen at her question, gripping the steering wheel tight.

"Honey, what's wrong? You guys are still together, right?"

When I stop at the red light, I look over at mum.

"We had an incident this morning." I leave it at that but knowing mum she'll push for answers.

"And did you guys fix it or is it still happening?" She pushes.

If I don't tell her she'll just keep pushing until I lose my shit.

"Okay so, I don't know if you know this but Elle was raped a few months after her mum passed away," I hear my gasp beside me as I press down on the accelerator. "I went to have a shower to get ready for today and when I got I opened the wardrobe door and Elle had no bra on and normally when she's in there I knock but I knew she had so much stuff to do today that I didn't even think she'd be in there. Anyway, she freaked out and shut the door." I pause as I take a sharp turn and to let mum let that sink in.

"I was about to leave the house and she came out of the wardrobe and she just broke down, and you're probably wondering why she freaked," mum nods.

"Because he left scars on her breasts," mums hand covers her mouth in shock. "When she came out of the wardrobe we started arguing because she was saying that she thinks I'm going to get disgusted and not be attracted to her anymore and that hurt like hell and the only thing I knew to do was get angry," I look over at mum, she's silent. She doesn't know what to say or do.

"I want to give her hug," mum sniffles. I can't help but smile at her kindness and warm heart.

"She's a scared, honey. People who have gone through as much as Ella need a lot of time to heal and I know you have the patience for that because you'd be long gone if you didn't. She needs you, there are going to be days where she hates herself and what she looks like but then there'll be days where she'll love herself and what she looks like and with you, by her side, she'll have more of the days where she loves herself." Mum explains resting her hand on my leg.

"I just hate seeing her so scared. The look on her face when I opened that door will not leave my head," I wince when I see it again.

"We have a doctors appointment tomorrow with the gynaecologist," mums head turns to the side in confusion. "We almost had a moment this morning and she stopped me, at first I thought she was going to tell me she wasn't ready but she started laughing because of the look on my face." I pause and smile. Her laugh is the best music to my ears.

"Why did she stop you?" Mum asks bringing me back to reality.

"Because her doctor told her to see her when she's in a relationship because she thinks it's best if I understand the extent of Ella's conditions and what has to happen before and after intercourse," I cringe. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my mum right now with my sister in the back who I think is sleeping, I think.

"Oh, what are her conditions?"

Now I think she's purposely asking these questions to make me cringe.