Starting Over

18. Pushing You Away

One month later...

It's been a whole month since Jackson's accident and not one thing has changed. Jackson hasn't moved one bit.

It pains me to think that maybe this is the end.

My thoughts get interrupted when I hear the hospital door open and close. I don't bother looking to see who it is.

Suddenly a hand is softly placed on my shoulder.

"Dad is worried about you," He says.

"What do you want me to do Jeremy? I'm not leaving." I reply, still not looking away from Jackson.

"Ella you haven't gotten enough sleep in weeks and your back is probably in so much pain from this chair you haven't moved from." He states.

"If dad is worried about me, he could've come himself, instead of sending you," I suggest.

"Come on Ella, you know how dad is with hospitals after mum. Just at least come home for one night. Get a good night sleep." Jeremy says.

"No, I'm not leaving. What if he wakes up? I want to be right by his side when that happens." I answer back. I am still staring at Jackson, even though Jeremy is talking to me.

He sighs but continues to talk. "I'm sure Christine will contact you straight away,"

"No Jeremy, I'm not going anywhere. Just leave me alone, please." I say still not looking at Jeremy.

"I hate seeing you like this, you know that right, Ella?"

"Yeah well if you don't like it, then leave," I say viciously, finally looking up at Jeremy.

Jeremy opens his mouth to say something, he runs a hand through his golden brown hair in frustration then walks out of the room, slamming the door shut. I sigh as I turn back around to look at Jackson.

I'm starting to lose a lot of people that mean a lot to me.

***

I hate the feeling of having someone so close to you that whenever something bad happens, you can't help yourself but shut them out

I guess that's the feeling I have.

And I hate it with a passion.

As hours, days and weeks go by Jackson hasn't flinched one bit to let me know that he's trying his best to wake up.

I haven't been home for almost two months. I haven't had a proper sleep for almost two months. I haven't had a proper meal for almost two months and, I haven't spoken to Jackson for almost two months.

I wish I had my mum in these situations. She would always give me advice, she'd always comfort me all the time when she knew something was wrong. She just always knew how to help me get through the tough times, always.

A pressure interrupts my thoughts. I look at my hand in Jackson's and notice his fingers twitching, my first thought is to press the button for the nurse and that's what I do. A nurse comes rushing in along with Christine and Charlotte.

"Is everything alright?" She questions.

"Jackson's fingers are twitching a little," I point out. The nurse turns to our hands and notices that I'm telling the truth, "Is he going to wake up?" I ask hoping for the best.

"That's something we can't tell. Some patients may move while in a coma but it may not be a sign as to them waking up anytime soon. So this could either be a sign that Jackson is going to wake up soon or its just one of those effects when someone is in a coma." The nurse explains.

"Thank you." The nurse nods in response and leaves the room. I sit back down in the chair I haven't moved from for almost two months and stare at Jackson.

As I stare at Jackson, someone clears their throat. I look to realise that Christine and Charlotte are still here.

"I'm am so sorry, I'm being so selfish," I say.

"What, why?" Christine asks, confusion written all over her face.

"I haven't given you any alone time with Jackson," I say, getting a little teary.

"Honey, we've had plenty of time with Jackson," She pauses for a few seconds. "When was the last time you went back home?" Christine asks.

"I haven't been home since before the accident," I reply.

"Maybe you should go home, have a relaxing bath and have a long rest." She suggests.

"I can't," I say bluntly.

"And why's that, hun?" She questions. I look down at Jackson and then back up at Christine.

"Because... I-I love him, I can't let him go."