Starting Over

10. Pain

As I'm getting ready for school, I hear a knock on my front door. When I open it, Jake is standing there with a bunch of bright yellow sunflowers.

"Oh my gosh, Jake! Hi!" I squeal, giving him a hug. "Come in." I close the door behind him and lock it completely.

"Wow, nice place, Ella," he says looking around while I put the flowers in a vase with some water.

"Yeah it is, I love coming home from school just because I love my house," Jake chuckles. "Do you want anything to drink, water, coffee, a coke...?" I ask, placing the vase on the kitchen counter.

"I'll just have a glass of water if that's okay,"

"Yeah of course." I grab a glass and grab a water jug from the fridge to fill his cup.

As I walk over to where Jake is sitting in the living room, he asks, "so how have you been?" He asks me grabbing the glass from hands, murmuring thanks.

"Much better I think." I smile, sitting on the lounge in front of him.

"I'm glad Ella, I just wish you chose something else to help your anger instead of moving away." He looks down at his glass and watches the condensation roll of the glass and onto his jeans.

"I didn't just move here for my anger. I moved here to get out of the hole that my past keeps sucking me back into and to keep the promise my dad made to my mum before she passed away," I say calming in and out to keep myself calm.

"Did you research any facilities that could help you that are located back at home?" he has the urge to ask finally looking up at me.

"Really, Jake? Is this why you came here, to ask me if I did research for other facilities to choose rather than this? I have been researching for the last three years," I say throwing my hands in the air.

"That's not what I meant and no I didn't come here for that." He looks me in the eye and places his glass down on the coffee table in front of us.

"Jake, I needed to move schools, that school had way too many people that were causing me a lot of unnecessary trouble and to be honest you're part of the group of people," I immediately regret saying that because I know I shouldn't blame him when I barely knew him at that time.

"How am I a part of that group? You didn't even know I went to the same school as you until a few weeks ago and I started the same time you started," he says his voice rising.

Having only one person in my house scares me but having a male who has a rising temper is more terrifying than anything right now. I try to remember what mum used to say when I'm in a situation with an angry guy and there is no one else around.

Stay calm and make up an excuse that you have somewhere to go.

"I can't do this anymore, I need to go to school," I say getting up from the couch and taking Jake's cup from the coffee table, just in case one of us decide to throw it.

"Of course, I should've known you were going to make some dumb excuse to avoid having this conversation," he says getting up. I put the glass in the sink and walk towards the front door.

"No Jake. I'm not avoiding the conversation, I'm avoiding things like relapses, people like you and trouble. I don't need you coming here to tell me that I've made the wrong decision, you lost your chance a long time ago and now I think it's time for you to go," I unblock the front door opening it for him to get the hint that it's time to leave.

"Are you seriously making me leave? I'm not telling you that you've made the wrong decision, I'm just trying to wrap my head around why, and I won't know the answer to that until I see you change into the person claim you used to be," he yells but not angrily more like upset.

I feel myself tearing up. "Jake, like you said before I didn't know you until a couple of weeks ago, so you wouldn't even know the old me. I don't know how long it will take me to be that person again and I don't want you or anyone to sit around and wait for that to happen. I'm not going to let you waste your time and energy on-," I look down at the ground and watch my feet shift.

Jake cuts me off, lifting my chin with his rough hands and smashing his lips on mine. It takes me by surprise but I don't move with him, instead, I push him back.

"Uhh, what the fuck." 

Did he really just kiss me right now? My head is going a million miles an hour and the fact that I have to be at school in less than half an hour isnt making it an hour seeing as I don't want the reputation of being late as the new kid.

"You know that I care about you, Ella," he says trying to put on the puppy dog face but it ain't working.

"who do you think you are? you can't just rock up at my house, start an argument and then try to kiss me."

"Ella, why are you taking this the wrong way?" he says running both his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Jake!? You just kissed me, how dare you!" I yell.

"You're not letting me in and if you did maybe you wouldn't have moved away in the first place!" I walk up to Jake, stare at him straight in the eyes. I lift my arm and slap him hard.

I feel so violated and insecure right now. I want to curl up into a ball and never leave my house.

"WHAT THE FUCK ELLA?!" He yells.

"Maybe if you weren't such a dickhead in the first place, thing could've been different but you stuffed this up buddy not me. Now get out, right now!" I demand my arm a straight line pointing to his car. "If you don't leave right now I'll call the police." I threaten.

"Please, I want to make this work," He pleads.

"No, Jake, there was no point in it, we both knew it was never going to work when you said what you said a few weeks ago, just leave please," When he hears the tone of my voice he realises that I'm being serious and starts to walk out the door. Jake stops in front of me to say something but I stop him straight away.

"No Jake, go." Hurt flashes across his face. Something inside of me is saying don't let him go, go after him. But my own legs aren't letting me do that and that's probably for the best.

***
At first, I decided I wasn't going to come to school today but I needed a distraction from the endless replays and other choices in my head.

I walk to class alone, clutching my folder and resting my chin on the top of it. I hear footsteps coming closer to me from behind. Jackson comes to a stop beside.

"Hey," he says chirpier than ever.

"Hi," I reply softly, not looking up afraid I might crack my facade in front of him.

"Is everything alright?" Jackson asks putting a hand on my shoulder to stop me from walking any further.

"Uh, yeah I'm fine," I say actually turning to look up at him and forcing a smile, hoping he won't push.

"Blossom, one thing you should know about me is that I can read people pretty well, so drop the act and tell me whats up."

"I'm fine, it's just things back at home," I say looking directly into his sparkly blue eyes.

"I'm always available if you need someone to talk to, Okay?" He says grabbing a hold of both my shoulders, goosebumps spreading down my arms.

"Thank you, Jackson, I really mean it." I bite my lip ashamed to look at him.

"Come here, Blossom." He pulls me into one of the most comforting hugs ever. Right at this moment, I feel safe in Jackson's arms. He pulls back first, "Come on let's get to class."

"Yeah,"

***

As soon as the bell rings for lunch it is like rush hour, literally. I take my time to get to my locker by going the long way, but even the long way is crazy. I get down the first flight of stairs, just as I'm about take a step on the second flight of stairs some fucktard comes running down and barges into me. I lose control of my balance hitting my head on the corner of the stairs. I scream in pain.

My hand goes to my head, but it doesn't get very far as pain pierces up my arm. My eyes flutter open and closed. It's a disgrace how I'm nearly unconscious and not one person has stopped, or maybe that's because everything has gone black...