Starting Over

37. I Can't Tell Him

I need some fresh air. I open the front door and walk out onto the porch. I sit on the swinging egg chair remembering the time mum hugged me until I stopped crying.

I look out towards the road and at the bare paddock across from it.

I sign into my phone trying to get any information on who just rang me but it doesn't work, I'm still confused and scared.

The sound of the front door handle clicking clacking to open makes me jump in fright. I place a hand over my chest when Jackson walks out of the doorway.

"Hey, who was on the phone?" Jackson asks, lifting me from the egg chair so he can sit down but then picks me up and puts me on his lap.

I can't tell him what the person said until I find out it was.

"It was just Doctor Brown, she wanted to confirm our appointment for tomorrow," I lie.

Trying not to make it obvious because I know he can tell when I'm lying.

"Oh okay, how come you came outside?" He asks, fishing for information.

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't want my dad and brothers to know that we are going to the doctors for 'the appointment'" I use my fingers to emphasise.

I run my acrylics through the back of Jackson's hair. "Are you sure that's it, you seem a little shaken up?" He rubs my back, soothingly.

I nod my head fast, "yeah, I'm just a bit nervous that's all," I jump up from the chair and stand in front of Jackson. He stands up and holds my waist.

"You've got nothing to be nervous about, I'm the one that should be nervous," he giggles. I feel so bad for lying but I can't tell him, I just can't.

I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him before heading back inside.

***

"Thanks for dinner tonight," I hug dad as a goodbye.

"You're very welcome, I might come up to your place on the weekend," he explains pulling back.

"Yeah, why don't you guys stay for the weekend?" I suggest walking out the front door toward the car.

"Okay but it'll only be me and Oliver because Jeremy has plans with Emma," he explains. Jeremy is showing something to Jackson on his phone making both of them laugh.

I smile as I watch them. Jeremy never got along with Brayden, he would always say he got a bad vibe from him, one that I couldn't see until I was assaulted.

It makes me so happy to see Jeremy be himself around Jackson, he's not cold and standoffish. He's witty and goofy just how he should be.

"That's fine, I'll see you Saturday Okay?" I give him one last hug goodbye before walking over to Jeremy and Jackson.

"Come on, let's go. We've got school tomorrow," I say to Jackson wrapping my hand around his bicep.

Jackson shakes hands with Jeremy as I let go of him. I walk into Jeremy hugging him as Jackson starts the car.

"I'm going to miss you," he says rubbing my back.

I pull back holding his forearms. "Come over with Emma when you get a chance," I suggest.

"Yeah, I'll try." He replies as I start walking away.

"Alright, I love you," Jackson's got my door open ready. I jump in and wave to my family. "Bye guys,"

Jackson reverses out the driveway before driving off onto the main road.

The phone call I received earlier has got me worried and I know Jackson can sense it but I have to play it cool and keep telling him that I'm just nervous about the appointment tomorrow.

I look over at Jackson and immediately feel guilty for lying to him and when he finds out he's not going to be happy that I've kept this from him.

We arrive home an hour and a half later and I'm so tired, to say the least. I immediately go upstairs to change into my pjs and take my makeup off. When I'm done I go downstairs to pack my things for school tomorrow.

Jackson's looking through the fridge when I get into the kitchen.

"Looking for a late-night snack, huh?" I walk behind him, smacking his ass in the process, "I'm right here baby," I say pointing to myself, winking.

Jackson looks up from the fridge and at me. "Don't get too ahead of yourself "baby", I've got plenty of other snacks," he scoffs grabbing a slice of the brownie I made earlier today. 

"Nothing's as good as me," I say as I fill the up a glass with water ready to take my medication. As I'm getting the pills out of their assigned container, Jackson walks over to me. 

"I've never actually asked you this but what are the meds for?" He asks. shoving almost half the brownie in his mouth at once. I shake my head at him.

"These two are for my lady areas and these two are for my IED (Impulse-Control Disorder)" I say picking up them up and displaying it to Jackson like its a presentation.

Jackson shoves the last bit of brownie in his mouth before he starts speaking again. "I can understand what the IED ones do but what about the other ones?" He asks curiously. My cheeks go red with embarrassment.

"Because the area is so sensitive and damaged, it stops irritations and infections to occur," I explain covering my face with my hands to hide my rosy cheeks. Jackson goes cold and emotionless. "Hey, whats wrong?" I wrap my hand around his bicep.

"Nothing, it's fine. Thanks for telling me." And with that, he turns around and walks upstairs. I quickly swallow the pills and leave the glass on the counter before I follow where Jackson left.

"Jackson!" I yell, walking up the stairs trying to find where he went. "Jackson, where are you?" I get to my bedroom and the balcony door is open. I look out the balcony door and find him sitting on the lounge looking straight ahead at the bushes in the backyard, he doesn't look like he is looking at them. Although his eyes on them, he probably doesn't realise what it is. He is in deep thought about something and its worrying me.

"Jackson, whats going on?" I stand in front of him to get his attention. He shakes his head slightly when he's brought back to reality. 

"Uh nothing, sorry." He replies pulling his phone from out of his pocket and starts tapping away as if I'm not even there.

"Jackson, what the fuck is going on?" I ask again my voice rising. His head snaps up at my tone.

"There's nothing wrong, Ella!" Jackson voice is starting to rise as well and by him using my actual name has definitely told me that something is wrong. 

We have a big day tomorrow with school starting again and its already really late. I decide to leave him on the balcony and go to bed. 

I pull the sheets back and put my phone on charge before getting into bed. I fall asleep so fast that I don't even hear or feel Jackson come to bed.