Watashi No Ani

34th Chapter

-Jay POV-

Pumuntaako sa kusina para e-check sina Lee. Parang matagal na kasi silang nawala. Then I heard what Neith said. "Do what you think is right, Lee. In love, everythingis fair, no gender, no boundaries. But we need to set limitations." What are they talking about? 

Nag patuloy akosa paglakad till I reach the kitchen door. I saw Neith hugging Lee. What the heck is going on? Hindi ako nag patuloy sa pag pasok sa kitchen. Instead I listened to whatever they are talking. Sumandal lang ako sa wall at nakikinig sa pinag uusapan nilang tatlo. 

"Kalian mo pa ba na sureness na romatic feeling siyang na f-feel mo kay dear Nii mo?" Narinig kong sabi ni Louie. What the heck?Are they talking about me? "Two weeks ago." Lee answered. 

What??? *shocked*

 I crossed my arms to control myself. Damn it I wanna get inside and just kiss Lee now. I took a deep breath at patuloy lang sa pakikinig. 

"Jay wala pa ba..." Lumingon ako at sinenyasan sa Zie na huwag maingay. Sumunod naman siya at tumabi sa akin. Sumandal din siya sa pader para makinig. 

"What am I gonna do, ate Neith. Every time I saw Nii mas lumalalim ang nararamdaman ko. I know this is not right. And I wanted to stop it. How I wish I didn't notice my feelings for him. Nahihirapan ako." Then I heard her cry. 

I automatically stand on my feet and start to walk but Zie stop me. I look at him with an eyes full of sadness and guilt. 

I don't want Lee to be involved in this taboo love. I don't want her to suffer to any criticism that she might get if ever other people might know.I bit my lower lips. I want to comfort her right now. Just hug her tight and tell her that everything will be alright. That I will always be there for her no matter what. 

But, how? How can I comfort her when I am the reason she's feeling sad. How can I assure her that everything will be alright when I, myself didn't how to fix this problem. When I, myself can't even get out of this fucking taboo love we are involved in. Fuck! Fuck this life. Why?

Zie only hug me and tap my back. "You have to move now, Jay before it's too late." I gulped. What am I supposed to do? How can I stop these feelings? Do I really want to stop loving her, care for her more than a brother should? Can I really do that? Can I just pretend that nothing happened when the only thing I could think of is how perfect she is in my arms? Should I really have to do it? Tomango na lang ako. Pero hindi ko pa din alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Fuck this all! 

We started to walk pabalik ng music room. Huminga ako ng malalim. Para maibsan ang bigat ng loob na aking nararamdaman. Mahirap tanggapin ang katotohanan na mahal niyo ang isat isa pero hindi kayo ang nakalaan. Masakit man, mahirap man pero kailangan. 

We don't live in fairy tale world and reality always hurts. Tomorrow I'll talk to mom. Tutal summer break na next week. I guess it's time for me to leave and try to live on my own. I got to do this. 

Paano ko sasabihin kay Lee na aalis ako. Is she gonna get angry? Kakayanin ko ba talagang hindi siya makita every fucking day? Kakayanin ko bang di marinig ang boses niya every fucking minute? 

*sigh* 

Right. Kailangan Jay. You have to because this is the only thing you can do. This is the only thing you can protect your sister.