Fight For Her || n.h

Chapter 13 - "It wasn't just a crush."

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@ niall.ymnn @ olivia.ymnn @ jake.ymnn @ zara.ymnn

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Picture of Jake.

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Previously in chapter 12:

A silent fell over the room. I've never showed anyone the entire song before, just a sneak peak on my Instagram. I've played parts of it for Louis and he offered to help me record it somewhere. 

My heart was beating like crazy because I was nervous what she might say or think about it. And I was too scared to break the silence.

"Broken hearts come to London." She eventually mumbled. "And they wait for someone to fix them again. Sometimes they wait two and a half years, but they know it was worth it. Because you will always be worth the wait."

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Hearing Olivia telling me that I will always be worth the wait made my heart skip a beat. And it made me realise that I was fooling myself when I said I'd moved on. Of course I haven't moved on.

It's her; it's always been her.

And no matter how stupid I was for letting her go years ago, I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. No matter how cliché it is, or how much trouble I must go through; I was determined to get her back. And I wasn't going to let Marcus, or anyone else, stop me.

"I need to take a shower." I said, trying to distract myself from doing anything stupid, like kissing her.

"Should I leave?" She asked.

Don't ever leave me

"No, you can stay here. It'll only take a few minutes. Make yourself at home."

She smiled and I found myself smiling back.

I put the guitar back on the wall, grabbed some clothes and locked myself in the bathroom. Then I turned on the water in the shower to make some noise. I didn't want her to start wondering what I was actually doing.

I sat down on the toilet with a few razor blades in my hand. Normally they would have collided with my skin by now, but something stopped me. I just looked down at them, not feeling the urge to use them. It's only been a few weeks since I last touched them, letting them destroy me and the reason for that moment was that day I left her place after spending the night. I was hurt, angry and a little bit drunk.

But now I'm back to having feelings for her and couldn't do it.

"But I also stopped cutting because of you"

That's what she told me when we were at the pitch a month ago. She used to self-harm on a daily basis and I was the reason she stopped. Running a razor blade across her skin was a regular thing for her and I was the reason she stopped. She took every opportunity to hurt herself and I was the reason she stopped.

I hate myself

I got up from the toilet seat and opened the lid.

But I love her

I gathered all the razor blades I could find in the bathroom and flushed them down.

So I'll live