Hopelessly waiting for you

Accepting it

I was talking to Courtney during lunch and she asked me, "What was going on with you this morning? The way you stared at Cameron was completely different."

"I should be asking you actually. The way you were staring at me was creeping me out."

"I'll only answer if you answer me first."

"Fine..." so I told her what happened and explained it in every detail possible.

"I don't know what happened this morning. I suddenly had a completely different view of Cameron. It was like I saw a side of him that I have never taken notice of. He looked so handsome! I know I might sound really corny or cheesy but when he came up in front of me, the world went really slow and I heard my own heart beating. I didn't hear and see and anyone during those beautiful seconds. It was literally like it was just him and I in the world. Everything happened just like my ma told me! The next class we had after that was quite awkward. He kept looking at me then looking away. I feel strange whenever I am near him. And I feel worse when I'm away. It's like I always want to be close to him. I think... I think I like him..."

"I knew it!" Courtney shouted.

"Shh! Not so loud! I don't think that I want the whole world to know that..."

"know what!?" Cameron jumped in to my conversation with Courtney before I could finish what I was going to say.

"errrrr... I was going to say that I don't want the whole world to know that... I really like... what I'm going to wear tomorrow... you know, at the ball..." I replied with a smile, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

Courtney suddenly reacted to that and said "Oh man! I forgot that I had to meet some other girls for something. I forgot what I was but I really have to go. I'll catch up with you guys later! Bye!"

So it was just me and Cameron. It was pretty awkward. This never happens. Usually we always have something to talk about. Like normal best friends that talk about everything. But this time we were avoiding each other's eye contact. It's like he had something on his mind, like he was keeping something from me.

"So Nadia... I need to ask you something..." Cameron said very hesitantly.

"Is it about nothing in your hair!? I didn't mean to... I was just joking around with you. Like before" I butted in. I was so scared and I didn't even know why!

"No, actually, I need to talk to you about, umm... you know what, never mind. It's not important"

"Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything? I swear I won't tell."

"Nah, it's fine. I better get going. Art class next right? Your favourite subject?"

"Yeah! You know me, art is my freedom where I chose what to do and how I do it!" I smiled at him.

He smiled back, but it was like he was forcing himself to smile. It's not the usual smile where it just naturally comes. He is definitely hiding something from me.

"I won't forget that. Nadia."

I have given up denying all my feelings. I'm not going to tell him or try to let him like me. this is how I think of things: I am the girl and I won't do anything to pursue a guy, if they like me then they can court me or whatever. But I am afraid. Afraid of the outcomes that could happen. But like they say, 'Love is like when you gamble. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.' I have accepted it, and I'm not denying it. I like him.... I like him a lot.