Love Like In A Book

Chapter 23

You know how I said if I could almost get married to a celebrity in my dreams, I could totally do same in real life?

You probably forgot but, I didn't. I spent a great deal of my time plotting how to implement the not so safe ideas I had brewing in my head. Suffice to say, I came up with a great idea that wouldn't kill anyone, require me to jump off a cliff and most importantly, there would be no bucket of hot coffee.

I'm totally done with Robot Boy.

Before I proceed, what do all celebrities love to do?

If you said post pictures on the internet then ladies and gents, you are wrong.

They love to treat themselves. Shopping, breakfast at a cafe, lunch in a fancy Italian restaurant and dinner at an amazing French restaurant.

And those are not the major reasons why I want to get married to a celebrity.

Moving on, I was standing at the parking lot of a really large mall waiting for the unlucky star who decided to shop in person rather than use the safest method designed just for them.

Online shopping.

The first celebrity stepped out and I squinted my eyes to get a good look at the person. I tsked when I noticed who it was. Korede Bello, that one that has baby face.

A lot of celebrities stepped out and I had excuses for each of them. For instance:

-Ycee, he's too big for me.

-2baba, he's married.

-Falz, oh so you don't want him to give me the type of sweater he gave T-Boss. Wehdone sir.

-Wizkid, he's still looking for Caro.

-Davido, he likes to boast about having 30 billion in his account. Someone might kidnap me.

-Adekunle Gold, my mother says I must marry an Igbo man.

And the more celebrities I saw, the more excuses kept falling out of my mouth, that was until I saw him.

You must agree with me when I say I needed a celebrity that could keep up with my craziness and the moment I saw him, I was more than convinced that he was the one for me.

Presenting all the way from Edo State (what more can I say other than God just made all the fine boys and dumped them in Edo state), Ladies and gents, boys and girls, aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces, grandma's and grandpa's, give it up for the one, the only, Nigeria's finest TV presenter........ Ehiz as candidate number 24. Who were you expecting?!

Step 1: Run Up To Him And Pretend To Be His Long Lost Girlfriend.

"EHIZ!" I screamed ignoring the weird looks I was getting from passersby. Ehiz looked surprised for a moment before his face broke into a huge grin.

"BABY!" he threw his leather bag containing his groceries on the floor and stretched out his arm.

You've probably experienced that heavily awkward moment when you think someone is smiling or waving at you only to discover that the person they're smiling at is behind you. Yes, I know, it's embarrassing.  But that was actually what I thought was going on. I slowed down and turned to make sure no one was behind me and there really was no one behind me which made me wonder who he was smiling at because I knew it couldn't be me.

I stopped running and walked cautiously, looking around for hidden cameras. I finally reached Ehiz who's arms were still outstretched and I eyed him.

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

He frowned, "I thought you wanted to hug me?"

"Do you hug random people that yell your name in public?"

He brought his hands down, "I thought you were a fan but unfortunately, you aren't."

He bent down and picked up his leather bags.

"Wait, lemme ask you something."

"I'm listening."

I cleared my throat, I was about to be a matured person, "would you like to go on a date with me?"

Ehiz paused and studied me for a while. He twisted his face and leaned in to scrutinized my face, "are you serious?"

I nodded quickly and I  wish I didn't because, Man Of The Year started laughing and asking people to come over and hear what I was asking of him.

"You want me to go out with you?" Ehiz asked between laughs. "On basis of Child Abuse or what?"

I frowned, embarrassment taking its toll on me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ehiz laughed louder and had to bend over. Given a few more minutes, it'd have turned into a perfect Rolling On The Floor Laughing moment.

"Have you looked in the mirror lately? Do you want them to arrest me for Child Abuse? Turn 20 then we can talk business."

"Do I blame you? Don't worry, keep waiting for your age mate. We were all here when that French president married his primary school teacher but not to worry. It is well," I said and stormed off.

"I won't worry o," Ehiz called after me still laughing. "After all, I'm from Edo state not Warri."

I stopped walking and walked back to him, "guy, even if it is ice-cream you take me out to buy, I won't complain o."

Step 2 and 3 would have happened if Ehiz didn't laugh harder and couldn't even get out the words he wanted to say.