Finding Home

Part Fifteen

A/N: Hi friends! I'm so sorry I haven't been updating in forever! I originally started to write this chapter back in September, but it gave me a major writer's block, so I got rid of that draft and rewrote the whole thing. Life has gotten in the way as well as pure laziness and procrastination. I really appreciate all of you who have been super patient. Thank you for that! You guys are truly amazing and are the main reason why I continue to write. I promise, I will finish this story, I have most of it planned out, so don't worry. I'm not leaving.

Also on another note, I would like to give HUGE thanks to my awesome beta reader @eunice339 for all your hard work. You make my life 100x easier and I really appreciate everything you do for me. 

Chapter 15

Movies and White Fluffy Unicorns

Three years ago...

The silence in the room is making her feel extremely uncomfortable as she stares at the camera in front of her. Tris is sitting at her desk, her legs criss-crossed while her hands rest on the desktop, the fingers intertwined but motionless. Her hair is carelessly tied up in a bun. Several strands of hair have fallen to the side around her eyes – eyes that are usually bright, but now look dull; the fire that is almost always there has gone. Instead, they are a flat gray color, red and puffy around the rims from crying.

"Hi guys," she says breathlessly. "I'm sorry this isn't one of my usual videos, but I just wanted you to know that I'm going to stop making videos for the time being. I know I look like a mess right now, but honestly I could care less. You guys on the internet are, like, my second family. Disregarding some of the hate I get, which is a hundred percent tolerable and I don't really take those comments to heart because I've learned to ignore them, but I just wanted to share something personal that has occurred. It's a sensitive topic, so if you want to know then you can keep listening, but if not – if you don't really give a shit about my life – I really don't care if you leave right now. Sorry, I feel like I'm just rambling right now." Tris lets out a forced laugh.

There is a long pause before she continues, "Four and I broke up. Some of you are probably thinking I'm just being a whiny bitch and that I made this video so I could complain about him and everything, but that's not my intention. My intention for this video is to let you know that I'm going be on, like, a hiatus.

"Four was my first long-term boyfriend. I've only ever had two boyfriends in my life. My first, as all of you know was Uriah, but we had a mutual break up and are still best friends. With Four, it's different, because I've never experienced heartbreak before, but now that I have...it hurts, a lot.

"Call me weak, call me stupid for all I care, but I just wanted to update you in case you start wondering why you no longer see him in my videos or whatever. That's one of the down sides of the internet. Because if you don't see someone for a certain amount of time, I end up getting so many comments asking why that particular person hasn't shown up in a while." Tris wipes her wet cheek with the back of her hand.

"I hope you all understand my predicament. It's really hard getting up everyday and forcing myself to get through the day. I really loved Four, I still love him, but I really hope you guys understand that I won't be making videos for a while. Thank you for spending time with me. I know this wasn't the video you were expecting, and I know it's totally short, but I really hope to see you guys soon and not be gone for too long. Thanks again, and I'll see you guys later. Bye."

Tris stares at the camera for a minute longer before finally getting up to turn it off. She then takes out the SIM card and inserts it into her laptop. She doesn't bother editing it because she doesn't want to see her red eyes and that helpless look on her face that she already has to deal with every morning. Instead, she uploads it to her YouTube channel and leaves it at that.