Dear me, Dear you

ease the pain

I left the hospital a quarter after 4 p.m. I couldn't stand to be there any longer my head was throbbing from the constant hair pulling and the international arguments my eyes were red and puffy from crying I was just a total wreak

Now I'm just here laying in my bed listening in on the screams from my grandparents arguing and nagging

I'm counting the fan blades as they slowly spin

1,2,3,4,5 then start all over again

When I got home I cried and cried til I couldn't cry anymore

I found some pills in my closet along with my razors while I was looking for my shirt

When I pulled it off the hanger the hanger hit the box hard enough to cause it to fall and spill it's contents

When I went to pick everything up I stared at the shiny blade along with the blue and red pills

I remember taking the pills along time ago they made me tune in and out of reality they made me trip out of wack then made me zone out they made me numb I took them when I wanted to feel anything but pain they made Me feel less broken less useless

I took them again right now I wanted to feel anything but the pain and they did the exact same as last time then the razors I used them I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it my mind screamed "do it!" And me being the weak person I am I did more than once

My arms were covers and my blankets were soaked with blood

I didn't even bother to clean my arms I knew eventually the bleeding would stop and I was right the blood dried and helped it stop

This is gonna be the death of me
I thought

I sat up and caught a glimpse of my self in a small mirror I looked disgusting but that didn't matter to me I was used to the reflection in the mirror by now

I reached far enough to grab my guitar I sat it in my lap and started playing random chords

The melody from the guitar was quite soothing and my body soon started to relax it's self

"I hope to be just as string as I can be throughout this all

And I hope to see your face smiling up at me when I dream

And by the days I swear I be okay

We'll be okay "

By the end of the song I had tears dwelling in the brims of my eyes but u knew I had to be stronger than what I was being for her sake and mine

I laid down on my bed and covered up after I put my guitar back and forced myself to sleep